I was working away the other day and realized that I don’t often share who it is that truly inspires me. Many people along the way have inspire me, most of whom I will never meet, which showed me that a role model didn’t need to be in front of me to inspire me. The person that has and still does inspire me the most is Anthony Robbins. If he doesn’t do it for you then by all means, find someone who inspires you to want more. I wanted to share with you when I first fell in love this this man’s voice and wisdom, now I don’t mean falling in love, but in love with how his voice can immediately inspire me to take action and end the pity party.
When I was first alone after my abusive husband had been removed it was hard to move on or know what to do now. I know that many of you here have the same issue. At the time I had a wonderful sister that had already been introduced to Anthony Robbins and out of the blue she gave me a 30 days tape series along with a tape player. I was extremely excited as it was something new to focus on. I had been struggling with the time after my son went to bed and the day was done and I was left alone with that awful, depressing person, me. I hated listening to the record that played over in my head when I was alone. When I was in the abuse I was living on survival instincts and didn’t have time to play any records.
Now that I was alone, the record could play when ever it wanted. Anthony helped me to not only smash that damn record, but how to play a new one that would inspire me to be more. By record of course I mean the words and stories that you play over and over in your head. I am fat, how did I let this horrible man into my life, how could I put my child in his care, how can I go on I am pathetic? You know, all those motivational things that we say to ourselves. I was in the midst of horrible anxiety attacks and the tapes taught me how to calm myself. I had no self esteem and he taught me how to visualize and walk in a room with confidence.
To this day I still struggle with staying inspired and focused and would lie if I said that I don’t get down on myself from time to time, but knowing what and who will bring me back to where I want to be is the key. I am smart enough now to know that if I simply play Anthony Robbins voice it will trigger my brain to get back on track. The same thing happens if I pick up a book that I know will inspire me. Find what inspires you and can change your focus immediately and keep it near by. I plan to post individuals that inspire me here and encourage you to let me know who or what inspires you too. I find the the biggest need here is not only the strength to leave abuse, but how to recover in the aftermath when you are alone with that same old broken record.
Help me help others, who inspires you? What do you do when you feel that old record playing in the background trying to be heard? The following is a short clip of quotes from Anthony Robbins. Come back as I will post youtube videos that I feel will inspire you to do more. I encourage you to go to http://www.youtube.com and start your own series of videos and songs that when you get down and feel that old record playing that you can just turn it on and change what you are saying to yourself. One of the hardest things for me to learn, something that Anthony taught me was you cannot change anyone else, hell, I can barely change myself. Once I truly realized this I knew that I needed to focus on changing my thoughts and not the thoughts and actions of others.
Added 2/21/2011
I have written countless times how much Anthony Robbins helps me to stay focused. The last 2 weeks I have been stuck in bed with really bad vertigo, fun, not really. I love to sleep but that was too much for even me. Back to Tony, when ever I get in a funk, you know, the one that I have been in bed for 7 or so days, missed work, feel like crap, that kind of funk, I know that if I listen to Tony’s voice I will somehow snap out of it. Sometimes I put off listening to him because I am happy in my funk, go figure.
Well yesterday was the first day pretty much I had been on my computer, finally able to read without the room spinning too bad, well I found myself typing in his website at www.tonyrobbins.com. It had a new free seminar on the front page. I have much of his material and books and often will go to youtube or Tede to hear new talks to inspire me. I am writing today to suggest that if you feel like I do or need a good old kick in the butt to help you set goals or move beyond where you are today I encourage you to go to his site, enter your email and immediately gain access to the talk, I think it was around an hour, even though I have heard him say much of the same before it was the repetition and inspiration that has once been ignited in me again.
Let me know what you think, I would love to know if what inspires me inspires you.
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Dear John,
God bless you for reaching out. That is a hard one. 20 years is a long time to be suffering. Professional help is a must. She has been pushing so much down for so long and with a good therapist, she can regain control of her life. Maybe she would allow you to go with her. It is hard to trust after something so horrific. The abuse from her father was already there and being buried when she was left for dead by husband.
I would love to offer you the miracle to help her, I really do. Listening, seeking professional support, reading lots, self help, not getting over but moving beyond abuse. She may write, that was what saved me, reading and writing. This blog is very supportive for her and you. Read posts. Find a community online where you both feel safe. Many woman don’t reach out beyond this blog, they feel safe and not judged.
My heart goes out to you and your friend. She is lucky to have you in her life. Tell her I would support her anyway that I can.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
i am trying to help a friend that was abused by her dad then her husband beat her and left her for dead now its 20 yrs later she is still having night terrors,is there a way i can help her.i think she trusts me with all her heart and do not want to do any harm. i listen to her and it really is a wonder she survived. i am the only person she has any trust in. she will not go to anyone for help but she will listen to me,and really wants to work on it.any help or direction would be appreciated .
thank you
john
Dear Denah,
You have the right to live with who you want to. You can leave even if someone is not being hurtful. If you don’t want to be with someone than you make the plans to leave. Sometimes you outgrow a person and must move on in order for you to grow in life. It happens. If this person will let you leave with no issues than decide what you want in your life and your future. Is this something you can do?
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
My situation is different. How do I leave when he’s not even being mean right now?
Hi Courtney,
By saying so little you said so much. Glad that this page was here to help you.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
Nobody really knows da pain the domestic violence can cause I heard people saying just leave him and it sound so simple but I asked myself why I wasnt capable of walking away but now I know why he had took my pride away hurt not only my body but my soul as well I thank god for been alive and for people and organizations that help us and save our lives nobody deserves to live in pain Love Dont Hurt and if it hurts is not love
Hello I have never written to anyone about what I went through during my 16 year marriage I have written poems about how I felt but for the past 2 years have been trying to come to terms with finding me again , and thats hard as I still dont believe in myself have so many negative thoughts and 2 years after I threw him out I am still being harassed , watched , stalked and living in fear. I have written a few poems which I would love to share with you too at some point if you dont mind? I also am including in this email a letter I have written to my ex never sent it but trying to learn to let go, if that makes sense?
I have to tell you what you have done to me, how you have made me feel, from early on you made me think I should be thankful you married me as I had a c hild, your child , not that you
ever wanted to admit it, I offered you test after test but you still didnt believe me, said I was lying which you know damn well wasnt true , Even though from early on I hated you not
loved you I stayed because by then you you had already started chipping away at me making me feel worthless and no good, that even if I left no one would ever want me.The girl I was
had gone you stole her from me , made me feel ugly, pathetic someone who would never be a good mother or wife yet there I was doing everything for you, raising your kids , making a home
you even allowed your mother to treat me like I was a piece of trash she walked in and you would just laugh it off.
Couldnt you see the fear in my eyes when you would come towards me with your fists clenched , eyes glaring and hatred for me in them, me shaking and trembling not knowing what you were
going to do , as your fist used to come towrds me missing me by an inch and putting holes in the doors or walls.and those nights I used to be woken by you on top of me taking what you wanted,
laughing at me saying you have the right to do whatever you want, did you not feel my tears? my body tense, no women should ever feel that way, the bruises from how rough you were , the blood
the ache that just wouldnt leave me for days. how could you not know not sense that for days after I couldnt even look at you, I would shudder everytime you came near me.
I used to tense as soon as I heard your car pull into the street, all the cars that used to come by and yours always stood out , made the hair stand up , fear of what mood you would be in , what
I would have to face that night? I would jump up get your meal ready , hand you a drink , you would go and sit not even a word to me, no concern at all if I was ok just a grunt of recognition
of what I put before you.Had to keep the kids quiet so you wouldnt take your mood out on them coz hell should they push you, the times I had to stand between them and you, pull your hand away
as you went to slap them, we all lived in fear. If I was lucky and you were in a good mood, it was ok I guess I could relax a little ,fall asleep and not worry as much .
But you see every night was the same every night I would hear your car, my whole body would tense, you had me scared was always who had I spoken too? who had been there? where had the money
gone you had given me? Little by little you broke me down , belittled me , lost me my friends I wasnt allowed them I had to do what you told me too. Hell wouldnt even let me see my family unless
you said it was ok. your friends and family would came and you would all make fun of me, make me feel like I was useless. would hear the whispers as I left or entered the room.To be told by them
you have ruined him , hes not the man he was, well what did you all do to me?
I became good at wearing a mask , hiding my feelings, my tears, laughing when we had company as I knew if I didnt I would pay for it later, if my family stood up to you for me , hell would I shake
I knew damn well I would pay for anything they said or did out of place to stand up for me, and how right was I. I would hate them all leaving because then I knew the viscious words the fists clenched
but worse still what would happen once in bed.I wasnt allowed to say no to you, you would laugh and say like thats going to stop me?
Did you not even realise that for years I stayed awake to stop you, slept downstairs as I was too scared to sleep next to you. The sigh of relief when you were away because for once I could rest, could
sleep. You have broken me, I am not the same person I was, I am scared to go out alone, have nightmares and live every day in fear of what you are going to do next.
To TEDe,
I recently read you post and look for support here also. I’ve been legally divorced for about 9 months and know how traumatic it is. I also share my child, a beautiful baby girl with my abusive ex. I am so happy to find sumone who understands. Most of the time, my exhusband used to always put himself first in all decisions and used mentally and physical abuse to hold me to himself. There’s times when i just want to cry when i think about it. And in a way, it’s holding myself back from starting a relationship with my best friend who is nothing like him. I am happy to be free from my ex, but yet it’s the happy memories that come back, i have to remember who he really was. I am happy we can all are survivors. Brings hope itno my life..
Hi Anonymous,
You can find a suitable post that works with the topic and post your story for others to read and respond on. Thanks for writing.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
I would like to post my story. can i do it here or is there a different place on the web site? thanks
Dear Tricia,
How cool to hear from you. It made my day to get your post, I love to hear from those that have been here for a bit and come back for support. Thanks for that. You are in a spot that is so very difficult. I had thanked God my husband had died shortly after for I never could have bared him taking our son in a car or overnight so I feared your pain but have not experienced it. I don’t know what to offer you in specifics. I did post somethign on my other site in hopes of helping others, it is how to co-parent when one partner is unstable, my prayer is that it can help you in some small way. Co-Parenting with an unstable parent
Just as you sought this site for support in the aftermath of abuse, you must seek that same support for the parenting situation you are in. I am sure there are many out there. Google the terms and find one that works for your heart and soul, you will know it, just like you knew coming here would help.
I hope that you continue to keep in touch as this site needs the perspecitve of what you are dealing with. So many woman that come here deal with this and I again, can’t offer the advice they so deeply seek. I wish you all the best that life has to offer. I am so proud to hear of how far you have come. I encourage you to visit my other site at http://www.RebeccaBurns.com I am creating a resource center that will become a membership, coaching site to focus on moving forward in life and will provide all sorts of free and paid coaching from me. You would be a big benefit to the community there too.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca xoxoxoxoxoxo
Hello…My Guiding Friend…
It has been some time since I last wrote…
Always when I need something to be answered within…I seek your site….and find a fresh breath.
I have now been divorced from my abuser 1 year.
Wow! Look how far I’ve come. Literally I have been to Hell with my abuser….Now… I have started to mend my own personal garden. I continue to get healthier & go to counseling. Like you…. I have my days. Some days I feel so emotionally drained…frusterated, angry… Sad…. Or just plain “sorry” for myself…. And even for him.
I really feel I understand the mental sickness or disease of Domostic Violence with the abuser….I still need more.
What has lead me here… What I seek…
How do you not let that person NOT effect you anymore?
I have done everything… To block & have NO Contact with him…. But we do share 2 small children.
My ex…. my ex has done everything in the book…literally “text book” type of abuse. Its like he just seeks anyway to make my life hard since I left him. He won’t let go…
My Counsler says he is Obsessed. She also believes he is dangerous…. Well I know that! Yet, the courts give him our children to care for “visitation”
How do I not keep from any involvement “no contact” when I have to see or communicate with him….when he has the kids? Usually after he has the kids for a weekend…. I’m spending the whole week… Trying to unravel the emotional abuse he has forced fed me….
I want to re-focus on my life…. And the goodness it can bring. Can you help inspire & guide me?