It has been almost 10 years since my husband died and for my son it was as if it was yesterday, the pain is so deep. His sister died late August of this year so it has brought old wounds to the surface. My son was barely six when his father passed. I had debated allowing him to the services and last night was grateful that I had. I would regret it to this day if I had not taken him. I did not attend my first wake until I was sixteen. Now his grandfather on his father’s side died today and we must attend another funeral. He is just 16 and has had to deal with too many deaths for a child.
He has come a long way. It was a very therapeutic night last night. I took out every picture in the house and we went through them for hours. He had said that he does not remember his father’s voice and that he only remembers the bad stuff. His father was a mean man towards me. The aftermath of the abuse affects my son to this day. Back to the pictures. I wanted to show him that there were some happy times; he just could not remember them because he focused too much on the bad events. I told him that I had forgiven his father a long time ago, it was the only way that I could move forward and be grateful for the son that we made and the brother and sister he has from his father’s previous marriage.
I ramble but the point was that the pictures showed many happy events and it felt like a turning point for my son. He seemed so happy that there were pictures at the beach, camping and lots of his father holding him as a child. Granted the photo’s end by the time he is six, but at least there were some. I gave him a photo album and he placed the pictures in it. We looked through it today and for the first time he was able to look at photos of hid dad without crying. He seemed to have changed.
All I pray for is that my son can forgive his father for his own sake. As mean as this man was he was human and was doing all the he knew how too. My husband had been beaten most days by his father. He did not abuse my son; he swore no one would ever harm him.
Forgiveness is key. You hear it all the time and I am proof that it makes a difference in your life. Without my forgiveness to my husband and myself, I would be a very bitter, depressed woman who contributed nothing to the world or to my son.
Forgive yourself; forgive someone you know than thou need to. You do not actually have to tell that person; just knowing it in your heart is what let us the anger go.
Domestic Abuse Hotline 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
Voice: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 800-799-