This link was sent to me recently, it is a great article in regards to statistics on men be abused by women and men too. I encourage you to check it out, the site offers lots of great information: http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/domestic_violence/menhh_index.shtml
New: I received this poem recently for my book and thought that you would benefit from it being placed here. Comment if you can relate to this poem by Matthew:
She Left No Bruises
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She never hit, she never struck,
So there was never any concern,
For she left no bruises,
No mark, no damage,
And she loved me the next day.
When her fury raged,
And she spat out insults,
They were only words;
They left no bruises,
And surely you can not consider them violence.
When I wept,
And asked her the reason for her cruelty,
She explained,
Were I only to defend myself
Then it could all be stopped,
And I was only being tested.
I nodded, and said I understood,
And would do better next time.
When she mocked me in front of friends,
And told them I was a poor mate,
And physically inadequate,
And whoever would take me
Must be delusional or desperate,
These statements were only made in jest.
They left no bruises, you see,
And taking it personally
Was only a fault of mine.
Otherwise asking her to stop would have made it stop.
Had she not told me this was true?
Surely then I was to blame.
When friends witnessed,
And asked me if it happened often,
I assured them that they misunderstood.
There was no reason for concern,
For she left no bruises,
And it was my job to defend myself.
She could not possibly know the pain of it, I said.
Surely it was not possible,
For she loved me dearly,
And if she knew, then surely she would stop.
The fault was mine for not explaining clearly.
Did I tense when she came in the room?
Did I recoil when she reached for me?
How could this be,
When she left no bruises?
When she would never cause me harm?
Surely it was only forgotten memories,
Someone else, from long ago.
Surely there were bruises
Not yet faded, under layers of skin.
Surely there was never any danger.
Surely there was never any harm.
For she left no bruises,
No mark, no damage,
And she loved me the next day.
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NEW Resource: I found this site today and I think it will be helpful to men. The articles are written from a man’s point of view about being abused by a woman, there are several great articles. I hope that they help.
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Calling all men. If you read some other posts here you will see I am writing a book to answer the age old question, why do we stay in abuse? I need several more points of view from you, men. I don’t want you overlooked anymore. I want to tell your story of why you stay, it is some much like a womans, the kids, you love her, money, support and such. You think you can fix her or you are afraid to leave. Please email me your story of why you stay or what happened to make you finally leave. Only if you are ready to share, it takes time. Be well and make sure to check out some of the resources under blogroll.
Great resource online to support men who are being abused:http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/domesticviolence.html
I can remember years back seeing something and thinking, yea, sure, abused man. Then I saw it in real time. I was as heartbroken as if I had been watching this happen to a women.
Image now, a man comes home from working all day. He wants to come in and say hello to his children and kiss his wife. Instead he walks into a phone being aimed at his head. He was ten minutes late because he helped a women fix something on her car. The wife yells back, well did you sleep with the bitch? The man now knows he must go into his survival mode. He doesn’t want to escalate this night into a punching match where he is the punching bag. Besides his 3 year old daughter is pulling at his leg, visibally distraught at the noise. He knows that his wife must have been raging since he was late and the daughter heard it all.
I could go on but I wanted you to take any image you have of how a battered woman lives and place a man there now. Is this any better for a man to live this way? God, I hope not. We all think he could just hold her down or leave but like a battered woman, he loves his wife and his children. He is the bread winner and doesn’t want to take food off his table. Besides, no one else sees this side of his beautiful wife so how on earth would he tell anyone? He is a man and men are not abused. That is what he has learned.
Sadly, there are many men that live this way for they don’t know that there is a better life out there. They stay for love, family and the shame of telling anyone that they are dying inside because a tiny little ole woman beats them mentally and physically on a daily basis. He gets that same feeling in his stomach on the ride home from work that I did. He braced himself for the other life he had to lead to survive.
If there is a man reading this and you need help check out the sites I list in this blog. I promise to find some geared to helping your needs specifically.
Domestic Abuse Hotline 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
TDD 1-800-787-3224
Hello Ms. Cuisic,
It is sad, we see what we want to see, no matter what others tell us. He will see things if and when he wants to be. How do you help, you listen, you stay his friend no matter what, you can’t make him see her for what she is, that will come.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
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Why does he think “she is the only one who cares about me”? Why does he beg for her love but settle for her hostility? Why does he protect her, lie for her- even take responsibility for her bad acts? Why can’t he see the pattern of abuse?
How do I help?
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Why can’t he see the pattern of abuse? Why does he tell me ‘she’s the only one who cares’? Why does he beg for her love and settle for her hostility? Why does he protect her, lie for her- even take responsibility for her bad acts? Why does she seem so determined to destroy his life? Why can’t he see that?
It’s just so sad. How do I help?
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Again Rose,
You are a good friend, it shows. I really wish you both all the best in life.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
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Thankyou Rebecca
Praying indeed helps. I’ve been doing a lot of that for my friend. What is for us impossible is not so with God.
I have no problem being there for him, but the reminder not to smother is apt. I find it very hard to stand by and watch someone I care for suffer and not DO something. And the reminder to allow him space to make his own decisions is helpful. Thanks
His response even had me questioning MY assessment of her abuse. Till eventually I sat down and wrote down everything I knew about her, and that he had told me. And realised that I hadnt got it wrong. Ironically he has given me plenty of evidence of her abuse, but he has only said that “she has many good points else i wouldnt love her as I do” in her favour. He has never specified what those good points are so I cant list them!
She constantly checks up on him and texts him.
He said “She breaks my heart about every three weeks”
She accuses him of things he hasnt done, including acts of unfaithfulness.
She claims facts arent true, making him question his own memory.
She throws him out, the lures him back again.
She seems to be two different people – To quote him “like smeagol and Gollum”.
She doesnt like him seeing other women.
She expects him to drop his plans to suit hers.
And that’s just what I could think of in a few minutes
Although he doesnt want me to contact him at the moment – and I have to respect that, or I am acting the same as his abuser – I think Ive been able to leave the door as wide open as possible for him. He knows he is very welcome to contact or visit me anytime he needs it.
Hopefully, one day, I will be able to post on here that he has left his abusive girlfriend for good.
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Dear Rose,
Thank you for writing. I can hear your pain, your friend is lucky to have you. It is just as hard for men, they too think their love will make her change, she may stop being abusive. No matter how much you care for him, you can’t make him leave. he has to do it on his own. Support him the same way you would any other friend. Just being there when he needs you, don’t judge. Don’t smother either. Someday, we pray, he will have enough and leave. you are a good friend. stay strong.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
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Hi all
I have a friend who is suffering abuse from his girlfriend. Sometimes he will admit he is abused and talk to me about it, sometimes he will say I don’t know what i’m talking about and tell me he doesnt want me contacting him again. He recently left her as he had ‘had enough’ and told me she’s ‘nuts’. within a few short weeks, and constant texts from her he had been ‘hoovered’ back into the relationship.
I am currently his least favourite person again. especially as i refered him to a very good male in abuse website i found.
i understand his actions are all part of the way she is messing with his head, but is there anything i can do, apart from letting him know i will always be there if he needs me and always be his friend? It breaks my heart to see what she puts him through. He’s starting to question his own memory as she’s got him so messed up.
I’m 39. he’s 51. he’s been in the relationship 5 years. It worries me too ‘cos i know he is a very strong person and one thing i read said the stronger the person the longer before they leave the abusive relationship.
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Dear ADM,
Thank you for writing. I am sorry to hear what is happening. No matter who is doing the hitting, it is not right. It is hard for a man to admit being abused, especially by his loving wife. I don’t condone that you hit her in anyway, you are letting her push your buttons, just because she is physical doesn’t mean that you have to be. You must, must walk away for you will end up being the one that is dragged away and loses the kids. Seek out the support that you need to get through this. Don’t stay because of the kids, leave. You teach others how to treat you, if you stay when she is acting nuts and being abuse she knows that each time she can push a little more. Ask yourself this, would you tell your daughter, sister to stay with a man doing the same things? The world understands more that woman are abusive. But, my hitting her back you are now an abuser. Stop they cycle of abuse for your children now, before it is too late.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
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I am reading this in my office. We had a big fight (not the first) and this time I hit her.
She called the police and said that I had hit her first and she had retaliated but I am sure the police know. I have deep scratches to my face and have several older scars. Normally she’s every loving, highly intelligent but once in a while she becomes possessed by a devil.
Now all I am thinking are about the kids.
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Dear Grandparents,
I am so sorry to take so long to post, there was a technical issue on my blog and some older posts were not visible. It broke my heart to read your posts. I pray that things are better by now. It hurts when you see a baby with the person that is in the wrong. I had to hear when a father can’t see a baby when he has done nothing wrong. Your son sounds like a really good man and I wish you all the best. I found at site to help estranged grandparents estranged grandparents and AARP Grandparents Visitation Rightsand I hope it can be of some help.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
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Dear M.M.
Your posts have stuck with me often. It keeps the focus in my mind, even though I knew it, that men suffer just as much if not more in certain matters when it comes to abuse. I encourage you to find support here and other sites that are here to help. I hate that you lost everything and there is nothing that I can say to change that or make you feel better but you are in my prayers and readers.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
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thank you Rebeca, but you know what, I lost my son, my daughter, because of that. because I couldn’t speak up and tell about my pain. no body could hear that scream in my. the scream is killing me. distroying me. I need some one to lesten to me, help me get my self back, get my children back.
my wife has insolted me in a way that she even got my son from his hair, pulling him up and he was screaming. I feel it just like it happen right now.
and she made him to put his hand in my anus. she then left him in his bed, coverd him from top to tou. she left him with no mersy. and he is 4 years old child. he was just screaming in the nite when she got him from sleep. and calling@ please mama please mama don’t hurt me. he stil remember it, he use to ask me ( baba, do you still have pain in you bum?) this problem was a very big trauma, how my son will think of me when he is older. that I am the father and could not protect my self, nor him. how will he trust me again, if my dad can protect him self, how then can he protect me.
you see how hard it is?
and the police without giving me the right of psychological support to help me talk, they charged me for what she lied for, because I am the man, so she has to be believed.
they took my children aay from me and I am not allowd to even see them or have and kind of contact with them. is that fair?, no mersy.
I am the one who protected my children, and her children from her previouse marriage. but the I have to get the punisment and my children.
what for I need to live for. really. it is distrying me. I donno how to speak in the court a front of all people. that big shame will follow me and my children for ever.
I really lost everything in my life, every thing. and really Rebeca you are very good person to give me the support. whic is really meen to me alot.
and I thank every one who contacted me and sent me messages to my email and suport me. many thanks to every one.
love to all
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While I understand wanting to give up I sat in my car many nights wanting to kill myself but then realized my son would be left with that father. You must make the choice to become so damn strong that you can take you life back, don’t lay down and die. Stop being the victem, take you life back for your sake. someone will believe you, it will happen.
Be strong and be well. Find support.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
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thank you Rebecca
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no one is willing to help me in the UK. every body just think it is funy. I am really thinking of suisite, life is not worthy any more.
I wish to all bettered men they will find better chance than me for help. maybe if I kill my self, the authoreties will take action to help others like me
many thanks
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Hello M. M.,
I was touched that you find the strength to write here today. As you know many men have a hard time sharing this life becuase like women they are ashamed but then you are not belived or valued as if it hurts less to be humiliated and abused for a man than a woman.
My heart goes out to you. I encourage you to seek support. Like anyone who has been abused you can not recover alone. You must have others around you to talk to, to learn from and to heal. I will list a few sites below for some great sites run by men to support men who have been abused. There is help you there, you just have to ask. Seek on the men on this site as they are better equiped and have access to the resources to help you.
I hope that you will will post here again as many men find this site to search for resoures. You will be one too belive it or not. Knowing that you are sharing like this is the first step. You are in my prayers.
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hi to every body
I have been looking and searching and found this site, I am happy to know there are still people corcerning about men, I am a victum of sexual, phisycal, emotional, menta, abuse was done by my wife, I have suffered for more than a year, I could not do anything against it. because she always threatning me that my family will know, she always foced me to have sex with her and use me and abuse me to plesure her self while I am tied u, my arms to the back. boos, weing on me, using thins in my anus. pain. hitting me, aplying chilli on my privet parts, eyes nose. I am in the UK any way. I after more than a year I could not take it any longer when she burned my son with boiled water. I had to seek help. I called the police. they came then I needed psychologest to have the support I need, to help me speak it up and take it out. because as a man it is not easy to talk about it. they( the police) promissed me to do so some other time.
she after wile, went to the police and made a claim against me and lied to th police. they arrested me. they didn’t want to give me the psychological support they promissed me. I was just crying at the police station. crying crying, but cant talk aout it. they then chaged me without any evidence just from her word. and I donno what to do. the police I called for help they betrayed me. and isolated and neglegted me. left me without any help. I tried to make arrengment for enterviiew. I told the police general information. they just promissed me and lied to me. so please any one there from the UK. who can help me. guide me. I am reaching to the suiside point. every day I make enjuries on my self. trying to kill my self. I am afraid. who can help me . please? because I am going insane really. please I am seeking help.
manseekhelp@hotmail.co.uk
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I found your website when looking for information to share with those who are ignorant of domestic abuse on men by women. This issue is very important to me.
Three years ago our son admitted to us that his partner of 9 years, with whom he has a daughter, has been abusing him physically and emotionally for years. We felt there had been something going on that he would not share, but the line that parents must walk to avoid being accused of being interfering is a fine one. Especially with a son whom you do not want to treat as a momma’s boy or risk hurting a daughter in-law’s feelings. While your heart is breaking for your child you also want their partner to see you are not going to take sides in their personal issues. Like others on this blog our son had called the police several times before he finally left her. Each time he was the one removed from the house and forced to leave his daughter with her mother. The police always believed her lies when they were called in. When he ended up in the emergency room with broken teeth, they forced him out of the house because he had knocked her glasses off when he raised his arm to try and protect his face. He was the abuser?! I was with him on one instance, after they had separated, when he went to the police to file a complaint and the police actually laughed at him. The final straw for him was not his own safety but the welfare of our granddaughter. He discovered that his partner was visiting sex chat lines and publishing her own nude photos as well as posting their home address on the internet. This worried him extremely for the safety of his little daughter. He came home one day to his daughter playing on the computer, unsupervised, with a photo of her nude mother on the desk beside her. Not long before this our granddaughter had asked us, if her mother married a man who lives in Morocco would we still be her grandparents? You can imagine how this worried us. Little did we know our son had been gradually preparing himself as best he could for separating from this women. We had no idea things had gotten to the point he was forced to sleep on the sofa with the door to the stairway rigged up so he would hear her if she came after him in the night. She had been threatening him with scissors. Finally he felt he had enough proof and he filed for and got a protection order against her. But… The police did not follow the law and they actually gave her over night in our son’s home to get her things together and did not stay with her while she removed everything she wanted to take. This was the first instance of bungled action on the part of the legal professionals who are suppose to protect the innocent. For two years our son was continually harassed by his now ex-partner. The police repeatedly would not enforce the protection order and actually told him they “had no training on such things so he better let her in the house or he would be in violation”. We agonized with him as he went through hearing after hearing for custody of his daughter after the judge at the initial hearing gave her to her mother because that is what is customary. Through two years of court battles his ex lied, did not show up for court dates, abused him in front of their attorneys… all with no recourse from the court. She told his daughter horrible things about her father and us, her grandparents, and, not only made a trip to Morocco herself, but actually brought a man back to live in the same house with her 8 year old daughter. She repeatedly accused our son of drug abuse. Subjecting him to multiple occasions of drug testing. All of which he passed with no problems. But it certainly worked in her favor by planting that suspicion in the courts mind. As I stated earlier, our son struggled with the court for two years trying to get his daughter out of a situation he knew was damaging to her. But the longer and harder he tried to protect her, the more vicious his ex became at her attacks on him. The guardian ad litem for our granddaughter and her counselor both recommended to the judge that our granddaughter be removed from her mother’s home and be placed with her father for her own safety. He would not. It finally came down to the judge wanting to bring our little granddaughter into the courtroom and force her to make a choice between her parents. Our son did not want his daughter to have to go through that. His only recourse was to relinquish his rights to his daughter in order to get the abuse, perpetrated by his ex-partner and supported by the court system, to stop against his child and himself. He had to walk away from the little girl he spent endless hours with teaching her to read, playing in the woods, working in the yard, going on bike rides, taking her swimming, taking her shopping, eating to breakfast together, going to all of her school functions. Most of the time without her mother. I can vividly remember her mother vehemently telling her to shut up because she could not stand the sound of her daughter’s voice. And telling her father to take her when she was just a baby because she did not want her.
It has now been a year since we last saw our granddaughter. Our son has seen her twice. The last time I did see her she was very hard to get along with. She accused me of things a nine year old should not know anything about and has developed a very volatile temper. With all our efforts to try and protect her and raise her as the gentle little girl she used to be, I’m really afraid our court system has encouraged a mother to raise her daughter to be just like her. Our granddaughter has been sacrificed and who knows who else will suffer in the future.
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I have been married for 20yrs.In my younger times I messed about and might have hit her a couple of times she went in refuge.lled police even when hadnt hit her but wasnt bad all the time.She lost her job and even though tried to support her financially she said on the day she lost her job i wasnt there.She opened a business even though i helped her she would abuse me,I want people to know who i am,I will give u my quality time.she stopped doing all housework.Than the boys grew up.The older boy said to me i was the weak link i got angry the police came every time they ask me to leave the house which even encouraged them more.She started massaging men for living even though i was giving her money she would not accept/ehe would not agree to stop i got angry again
than my father died, the sisters came and fell out with wife.they went to beat her up they werent any better wanted dads money,he didnt have any.Everyone out for themselves.Older boy came to beat me up and i left with my mum.When i came to collect my clothes she called the police againeven though my father had died recently.I stayed awav 6months but missed home.Kept ringing her every time she was angry,Suggested a reconciliation,she came out with me but just kept saying husbands money belongs to wife,at reconcialiation meeting made me sign paper saying if i leave she gets 76%Returned first few weeks ok but she had upperhand,If i say go and visit mum she is on her own she would fight.Started throwing things on floor middle of night,i had to clean up.assaulted me called the police saying i should leave.First time police said got same right as u to stay.Older boy 25 lives at home doesnt pay any house money recently stopped his girlfriend coming.younger boy who once said if i dont leave when he returns from univ will throw me out,The two boys came to beat me up and caled police.All of them sided together and police handcuffed me and took me to jail.Stayed with mum u wont believe came back to this sad house,want to escape but feel trapped scared of losing bontact with family and loneliness.feel angry and lost confidece. anymous
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New Resource for battered men:
Supportive website, lots of information and resources so you won’t feel so along:
Just cut and paste or click link in initial post http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/domesticviolence.html
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
http://www.rebeccaburns.com
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Dear Andy,
Again, it breaks my heart to hear how you are living. No one should live this way, man, woman or child. You are the only one that can change how you are living. You can blame her since she is the one abusing but you also teach her how to treat you, by staying. Can you leave? If you do not have children you have no reason to stay. Yes, I understand you are married but is this the marriage you really wanted? Maybe a short seperation will help in this case, see if she will get counceling to stop battering. Most women do not see this abuse as battering, after all, they are women.
I am not a counselor and can only offer the opinion of a woman who was battered and almost killed several times. Once you leave you will look back and be amazed that you stayed so long. You deserve to be respected and loved. No one should put up with what you are. You deserve a healthy relationship.
She sounds like she knows you can’t or won’t hit her for you already know she will call the police. I would protect yourself by seeking help from a battered organization in your area. If you stay and fear things getting worse make sure to talk to somone to help your side if you end up getting arrested. Tape a fight, write in a journal, something to prove that you are only acting in self defense. Walk away, never strike back, you are the one that will pay if the police come.
Don’t lash out, that is what she wants you to do. Get strong for yourself with counceling and support. There are several men that read this blog and have posted here. Create a support group.
If you really want to stay and try to make your marriage work is it possible to leave the surroundings and sit with your wife and let her know what this is doing to you? If she lets you know that she doesn’t care then you must decide where you want to be in a year, afraid to speak up, or happy you left.
I wish that I could do more to support you. I will post some new links to sites to support men soon.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
Please feel free to write again. I only respond to boards and will never email you directly unless you speciailly state that email is safe. Many times an abuser will read your email so be careful. Read some of the others posts in this blog, many are about women but apply to men as well.
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Hi, I could really do with some help or advice. Although I live in the UK I found this site & have been reading it with interest. I’m 43 and remarried last November to someone who I basically fell head over heels in love with.
She told me that her ex-husband used to abuse & hit her and she had him arrested on more than one occasion, and I had absolutely no reason to disbelieve her.
However, for the last 3 months my life has steadily become more and more of a nightmare. The first time she did it it was a mild slap during a minor argument about something. However yesterday yet again she really laid into me, punching, kicking, biting, throwing things at me and so on. I eventually got out of the house (for a long time she was stopping me by blocking the door and hitting me when I tried to get past) but that wasnt good enough and she followed me out and continued hitting me in the street. People saw this but just walked by and Im sure if it had been me attacking her someone would have intervened or called the Police.
I am really really scared that I will eventually lash out in self defence and then it will be me who is in trouble and ends up in court. I love her dearly and just want us to be as we used to be.
Please can anyone offer me any advice on how to deal with this?
Many thanks
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Dear Rob,
I am really so sorry to hear how you are living. I think sometimes it can be harder on a man because, well you are the man. Is there anyway that you can document what she is doing by talking to a councelor, battered agencies, tape some of the fights or start a daily log of what she is doing? My concern is that a fight will get out of control and she will call the police and of course, you will be to blame. Call the domestic violence line from work if you can and explain what is going on, they can give you some suggestions. This is no way for you or your children to live.
The women that I mentioned here had no fear either. When things got out of control and the police were called because of HER yelling, he went to jail. Find some support off or online, you are going to need it. Chances are she will never change until she sees what this is doing to her children.
You need to stand up for yourself, this is no way for a man or anyone to continue living. The damage to your children (I know the effects) will be too much. They too will someday batter a man or women.
I will say a prayer for you Rob.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca J. Burns
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I am currently in a relationship where my wife physically and mentally abuses me. I am lost in what I can do. A few years ago when this all started I ended up going to jail after she attacked me and I defended myself, so now I just take it. We have children and honestly, if not for them I would have left a long time ago. The verbal abuse is everyday and does not end. I am constantly being belittled and told I am worthless and not good for anything.
It has gotten to the point to where she has no scruples about what she does, no fear whatsoever. She always tells me that if the police come I will go to jail because she will lie like she did before. Today she destroyed a $1500 laptop, the second one in 3 years then she hit me several times with a vacuum cleaner extension. She is extremely violent and I do believe that she thinks she is invincible and above the law.
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Dear Sis,
Thank you for taking the time for such a detailed post. The idea is that what you have shared as a bystander may help a man who is being battered and thinking of leaving. It can be just as difficult for a man to share what is going on, after all he is a man, how can a woman tell him what to do? Both men and women need to show others how to treat them. I fully accept that if I had walked out or put my foot down the first time my husband frieghtened me I may have left sooner. Instead I stayed which showed him how to treat me. If I could suggest to a man in this situation is to start a journal but keep it hidden or password protected on his computer. This way God fobid he gets in a situation of having to prove he was only defending himself he will have some proof.
What happens is the police can get called and no matter what, the man is blamed. Don’t play to her game, never resort to violence. Tell others that are close to yu what is going on . Seek support, you don’t deserve to live this way. The damange to the chilren will outlast your marriage for sure. My husband is gone ten years no and my son still suffers from the memories of abuse to his mother.
Bell well and thank you again for posting.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca J. Burns
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I’ve watched my older sister mentally torture her husband for years and years. He would tell those close to him, “If it weren’t for the kids, I would have left her a long time ago.” The kids are in their twenties, and the “word” is, he left her two years ago. However, they are not divorced. He still comes around, for appearances. She still has a lot of power over him, and she would never allow people to know the truth. He is a completely different person, then when he met her. He’s become ugly, like her. The kids (adults now) are pretty screwed up. They all still defend her, out of fear, I think (including the husband).
She’s way worse than our abusive dad was. Yet, she was always trying to “kiss-up” to him, and would help scream at our mom saying, “You should stand by your man!!!” When her husband was first dating her, she used to humiliate him in front of us (me and my friends were still kids) and other people, by yelling, “Get your ass over here.”, or “Just wait, I’m going to kick your ass.” One time, a stranger approached her and said, “You talk to your boyfriend like that!!???” Then she started hiding it more (more people protested). His close friends said he just used to shake when they visited him and she would be screaming at him, about something irrelevant. One time she humiliated him in front of me, as an adult (she learned to hide it real well, by then, so it was a bit shocking). I was visiting. They were saying something when I walked back into the room. Then, all of a sudden she said, loud enough for me to hear (and humiliate him), “You’re not a real man.” He looked like he was on the verge of tears, got up, and walked into another room, to avoid escalation.
I never knew what he ever saw in her. She’s extremely ugly from the inside out. She has no conscience though, and is extremely experienced in the art of bullying. She’s a complete psycho. I try to stay away from her. She’s turned her rage on me many times. One time (when I was much younger), she got in my space and was screaming at me. I just punched her once (I just couldn’t take it, and I was at a low point in my life). She went around telling people I assaulted her and that she had all these bruises all over her body. She’s called the authorities on me several times, even though I’m happily married and just stay away from her, in the past ten or so years. She’s way worse than my dad ever was, and he was certainly psychotic.
It seems that she’ll push people’s buttons, always to the point where she can play the martyr and the victim.
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To any of the men reading this post, it you would be interested in sharing your story for an upcoming abook about helping others to understand why we have stayed in abusive relationships please contact me at dreamfocused@earthlink.net or visit http://www.rebeccaburns.com and review excerpts of the book titled The last Straw. I have one section from a man’s point of view but need more. I understand men are abused too and I want others to get that as well.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
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Thank you for taking the time to post. You hear this topic often debated. I am happy to hear you were able to leave without a major scene. I hope that you are able to see your children and begin a new life. Your ex sounds very much like the women I know of who treats her husband the same way. Most of the battering is done in front of the young children. How a mother can be this way, I will never understand.
I am glad to see you were a strong enough man to walk away rather than to strick you sick wife.
Be well,
Rebecca
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I’ve just left a relationship like this, but without the kids. My ex felt is was her right to abuse me, at all hours, for as long as she wanted “to let off steam.” My choices were to argue and escalate it even further–until the next step was to call the police, or to shut up and put up with the abuse. At that point, I just did my best to pretend my ears were just painted on. She insisted that I sit there and listen while she abused me.
She was a very beautiful, intelligent and funny woman, but she had a hook in her personality that would simply be triggered by something in her mind & off we’d go. I waited 15 months for it get resolved, but these things do not resolve. I certainly felt like harming her physically, but that is very uncharacteristic (it’s been more than 20 years since I was a teenager and struck anyone!), and not a road I wanted to go down. Eventually, I managed to escape by leaving to another city.
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