I was thinking today about the first year, almost eleven years ago now when I had first been free from my abusive husband. Most would think it would have been the time of my life. Granted I was so grateful that I was not now dead and that my son and I were physically safe for the moment.
Mentally I suffered as if I was still being abused. I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep at night for years because for the last year of our marriage my husband would get drunk and then torment me for all hours of the night, jumping on top of me while I slept and jabbing me with knifes telling me to scream because he would just slice my throat as the police pulled in.
Being abused in this manner is like being kidnapped and tortured for ransom but you will never have enough to pay off the kidnapper.
So what did this blog hope to accomplish? Just that even though you are away from your abuser give you self some slack, everything will not be suddenly better over night. It takes lots of self love and forgiveness. It was easier for me to forgive my abuser than it was to forgive myself. After all he was a drunk and a fool. What was my excuse?
Even after all this time this is still such a part of me. I hope that this blog is helping those who come. I am always amazed at how many are reading it. If there is anything that I can provide here please feel free to just ask.
If you are still suffering years after the abuse seek treatment, the anxiety can be managed. I refused medication for years and finally gave in. I was only on it for a short time and it helped me deal with the anxiety while I learned the coping skills I still use today.