I have begun this new post in dedication to Abused by a Cop, she knows who she is. I have listed her post word for word in hopes of helping another:
The following post was left on 2/9/10
So how do you escape the anxiety and stress when your abuser is a cop? I had been divorced for 4.5 years now and after being beaten, CPS/DYFS reports against me, court battles, therapists siding with him etc. etc. – how can someone tell me that I have to not be stressed?? Its long and complex as most of our stories are, but he had my car/house bugged, had his cop friends follow me, broke into our house and abuse me to have his fellow cops tell me despite a RO, he cant be arrested for breaking into his own house…after he used two states for abuse allegations and kidnapped our son, with a bench warrant in hand, the NYPD refused to arrest him and no one knew where our son was – I deal with the courts and their coordinators who think I am the crazy one because he is so good at turning things around to make it look like HE is the victim! At one point during the divorce, the courts appointed a forensic evaluator – after months of court, we found out he was sleeping and moved next door to this woman!!!! I have spoken to Lundy Bancroft, The Batterer as a Parent/Why Does He Do That – and Diane Wetendorf of Abuse of Power, I am a fairly level headed woman who has handled alot – I think I am breaking – or should I say broke – I have trouble breathing, sleeping, just being anymore – during our latest battle, our son’s therapist said, oh get off your DV soap box, he hasn’t assaulted you in 6 years – -OMG I wanted to smack her – how do we educate the system – when do we get vindicated – when do our kids not cry because they don’t want to go to their dads and get put in the middle – all we try to do as mom’s is protect them and then criticized by the courts. I am sorry for venting or talking on your site – I just have hit the wall and feel like I am not able to get my stress back under control – – Not to mention all the other day to day stress of being a single mom with kids….
I know its a process, and we can only educate one at a time. I tried the DV programs here, but it made me more angry because most of these woman, although share stories, can have their abusers arrested – I CAN’T!!! He is the police – so who do you call?? We as police officers wives fight not only the abuser, but the system….
Thanks for letting me vent – I do feel a little better – the stress has got to stop soon for my own physical health.
My response 2/6/10
Dear Abused by a Cop,
This is the place to vent so go at it. In the beginning for me just having someone to vent to helped me get through the day. You never have to say you are sorry here, ever.
You do have it worse, being abused by a cop adds an extra layer that others may not realize. Who are they going to believe, the cop of you? I had responded to another post and the site that I was able to direct her to was www.purpleberets.org. They offer assistance to those and tips of women/men abused by cops.
I wish that I had more to offer but I have never been in your situation. I have always said the worst thing that you can say to a person that was abused it get over it. I too would have had a nutty on your counselor. She has never been a survivor of domestic violence for she never would have uttered those words. I had nightmares for ten plus years, this is my soapbox, I feel I went through this just to support others.
You asked how to we educate, one idiot at a time. Write about it, tell your story. I am in the final stages of a book, the reason this blog was started and adding a story from someone, you, having dealt with a cop as an abuser will help bring awareness to your fight and what others don’t realize. I think starting the chapter from your therapist office visit is a good start.
I encourage others to share their story with Abused by a Cop in hopes of supporting each other. If you know of a specific resources that will help her and others in this situation please post it here.
Love & Peace,