Years after being in abuse I can remember thinking back and remembering how at the time, I had thought at least my young son is not in harm’s way. One of the many lies I had told myself during that time in my life. I have shared other stories of what my son went through during and after witnessing abuse and living in that type of home for so long, the PTSD he still suffers with today but in this post I wanted to focus on the main thing that our children deserve and expect from us.
Heading to a party at my sisters over the holidays I had created a spur of the moment video on my new tablet. I have been with this beautiful little girl for close to 4 years now and have taken her as my daughter. I am the only recent role model of a mother for this beautiful girl and always want the best for her, especially with the trauma I see my own son suffering from today. I cannot share the video I made because my little girl was adopted by the man I love, this man has been a father to her since she was around 2, he feel in love with her while caring for her after her mother, someone he barely knew, couldn’t take care of her as a parent should. Since her safety is always the most important thing to all of us, I am sharing a video that I came across with photos of other beautiful children that all want for the same things, to feel loved, safe and protected at all times.
When I asked her why she loved her father she repeated over and over that he makes her feel safe and protected and that he loved her all the time. Not that he buys her things or spends time with her, or that he cooks wonderful meals for her every night of that he makes her laugh until her belly hurts, but that he protects her from bad things and keeps her safe. She repeated this same statement several times and didn’t sway from her answers. This little video moved her father close to tears, he isn’t a man that cries too often but to see his little girl say that he was doing is duty and making her feel protected was the best gift he could be given.
Notice that I said did his duty. As parents, we are supposed to protect our children. We won’t let strangers hurt them, we tell them about bad people, so what is it that we are teaching them when we stay with a person, male or female that puts them in harms way and or causes them to be sick to their stomach because they live walking on eggshells all of their life.
We are lying to ourselves when we think that the children can recover from what they are seeing daily. We need to stop the lies already. Take back the control of being the parents. If you provide nothing else for your children, protect them.
I for one grew up in an abusive home, I was only physically hit maybe two times in anger, but the air in our house was thick with fear and I began to fear my own shadow as a young child. It just grew worse as I got older. I was placed in some counseling, but by that time, the damage had already been done to my soul. I am certain that my upbringing is what made it so easy for me to stay in a relationship where a man treated me like dirt, beneath him. This is what you are doing to your children when you allow yourself to stay in an abusive home, you are teaching them that they don’t deserve more and that it is acceptable for others that say the love them, treat them like crap.
If we want to break this cycle of violence that we often refer to, it needs to start by allowing our children to feel safe and protected. When you feel protected, you can do anything that you want in life. Share this messge, to stop the cycle of abuse, our own children must grow up feeling safe and protected so that they can share that with those in their life.
Love & Peace,