Years after being in abuse I can remember thinking back and remembering how at the time, I had thought at least my young son is not in harm’s way. One of the many lies I had told myself during that time in my life. I have shared other stories of what my son went through during and after witnessing abuse and living in that type of home for so long, the PTSD he still suffers with today but in this post I wanted to focus on the main thing that our children deserve and expect from us.
Heading to a party at my sisters over the holidays I had created a spur of the moment video on my new tablet. I have been with this beautiful little girl for close to 4 years now and have taken her as my daughter. I am the only recent role model of a mother for this beautiful girl and always want the best for her, especially with the trauma I see my own son suffering from today. I cannot share the video I made because my little girl was adopted by the man I love, this man has been a father to her since she was around 2, he feel in love with her while caring for her after her mother, someone he barely knew, couldn’t take care of her as a parent should. Since her safety is always the most important thing to all of us, I am sharing a video that I came across with photos of other beautiful children that all want for the same things, to feel loved, safe and protected at all times.
When I asked her why she loved her father she repeated over and over that he makes her feel safe and protected and that he loved her all the time. Not that he buys her things or spends time with her, or that he cooks wonderful meals for her every night of that he makes her laugh until her belly hurts, but that he protects her from bad things and keeps her safe. She repeated this same statement several times and didn’t sway from her answers. This little video moved her father close to tears, he isn’t a man that cries too often but to see his little girl say that he was doing is duty and making her feel protected was the best gift he could be given.
Notice that I said did his duty. As parents, we are supposed to protect our children. We won’t let strangers hurt them, we tell them about bad people, so what is it that we are teaching them when we stay with a person, male or female that puts them in harms way and or causes them to be sick to their stomach because they live walking on eggshells all of their life.
We are lying to ourselves when we think that the children can recover from what they are seeing daily. We need to stop the lies already. Take back the control of being the parents. If you provide nothing else for your children, protect them.
I for one grew up in an abusive home, I was only physically hit maybe two times in anger, but the air in our house was thick with fear and I began to fear my own shadow as a young child. It just grew worse as I got older. I was placed in some counseling, but by that time, the damage had already been done to my soul. I am certain that my upbringing is what made it so easy for me to stay in a relationship where a man treated me like dirt, beneath him. This is what you are doing to your children when you allow yourself to stay in an abusive home, you are teaching them that they don’t deserve more and that it is acceptable for others that say the love them, treat them like crap.
If we want to break this cycle of violence that we often refer to, it needs to start by allowing our children to feel safe and protected. When you feel protected, you can do anything that you want in life. Share this messge, to stop the cycle of abuse, our own children must grow up feeling safe and protected so that they can share that with those in their life.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
Dear James,
I have never said only woman are abused, I make that clear. I personally am a woman and have been abused and do my best to support men that come here too but mostly women. there are horrible people out there no matter what sex they are. The children are the ones that suffer the most.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
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It should be known that there are many good men, husbands and Fathers in this world. Abusive relationships are not just a one-way-street. Thanks to the greed of The Commonwealth of Kentucky and the Mother of my children, I have lost my children and my entire inheritance. $130,000.00
My daughters deserve their inheritance and their Father in their lives. While they must suffer, my Ex Has squandered our legacy on dope. Nicholasville, Ky should be razed, as it is a haven for dope- smoking n’er-do -wells.
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Dear Jessica,
Sorry so long to respond, site issues. I am so happy for you. Your children and you now have a chance at a happy, safe life. Children are amazing, get the help you all need to deal with what happened, don’t try to bury it so you don’t allow this in your life again.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
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Dear Abigail,
It breaks my heart to her comments like this. I never had to deal with visitation as he had tried to keep me and the restraining order included my young son. Making sure you stay on top of things, know what he is doing to them. Being as civil as you can so that he isn’t taking anger out on them. Keep open communications with children, maybe get someone for them to speak with to make sure things never get out of hand and they have someone to talk to. Child visitation rights Try to find resources that help support you. Talk with others that are dealing with your situation, it will offer your support you need.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
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Dear Vanessa,
Thanks for posting, I too had that regret, I had a chance to leave when pregnant but so wanted him to have a father, that was a big regret for me. You are a good mother, time will help him heal. I am grateful you left now. Too many want kids to have fathers, but a father like this isn’t worth the aftermath.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
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Thanks so much for your post. It’s wonderful when children can tell you what they want, and that’s simply to feel loved and protected. I got out of an abusive relationship when my son was 14 months old. Even at such a young age, he still took some long months to settle once we left. For his sake, as well as mine, I wish I’d gotten out earlier.
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I agree with your post completely. I am currently divorcing an emotionally abusive male. Unfortunately, the court system does not view this kind of abuse as a reason to limit children’s exposure to their dad. Any advice on keeping them safe when on visitations with their emotionally abusive dad who makes them walk on eggshells?
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Dear Rachel,
No need to feel for me, this was a long time ago for me, many years and almost forgotten, but the urge to help is still there. Thank you for saving a child, she will know how life should be. I wish you all the best.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
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Hello, just wanted to let you know, I nominated you for the Sunshine award, there is a shout out on my blog, π
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Heya thank you for posting todays post…. I finally took the plunge almost 2 weeks ago and left my emotionally controlling/abusive ex husband.. my kids have been through so much… I blame myself for not leaving sooner…. but my prayer is that they will see their life stabilizing, calming down and that they don’t have to live in fear anymore….
I have a lot of work to do in this process and its freshness astounds me…
Blessings to all who are in the thick of an abusive relationship and those who have exited as well as those in transition in one way or another…
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Hi HopefulHellion,
Great blog you have. We all have to make the toughest decision on our own to stay or to leave. Staying is an actual decision too but many don’t see it that way. Children suffer more than others realized. It is one of the secrets of abuse.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
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Dear Rachel,
Your name is familiar. No need to feel for me. I am the happiest I have been in my entire life. I am living the life that I never thought that I could ever have.
I agree that the first way to stop all abuse is to also teach out children not to allow it into their lives, not tolerating it is the first step. Raising strong children is the key. Keep in touch.
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
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Beautiful post, and I left a husband for the same reasons you mentioned.
My daughter needed to know that women should not yelled at, abused, and treated as a ‘thing.’
I feel for your son and empathize. I feel for you and empathize.
Thank you for baring your soul here.
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I’m so glad that you wrote this post. I wrote a similar one on my blog. I was in an abusive relationship as well. My ex would threaten to take my children away if I left him; and I convinced myself for a long time that staying was better for them than the threat of losing them. I realize now how detrimental it was to them, and still is. I also like to remind people that it is actually against the law to allow your children to be witnesses to abuse/violence. Thank you for your story!
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