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Archive for the ‘emotional abuse’ Category

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quote rise above storm

“Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude.” For that means that no matter how unhappy your marriage is, you can be happy as an individual –  Dale Carnegie

Are you trapped in a marriage with a man you don’t love, who doesn’t love you? Do you feel helpless, scared, and alone? These tips will help you stop feeling helpless and start making changes in your life.

The words above were taken from an article by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen.  I always love when I read something that I know will support those that come here, click to read the entire article b – http://whenlovebugsyou.com/how-to-cope-when-youre-unhappily-married/#comment-41

Have you come across an article, post or website you think will help others, send me a comment here and I would be happy to check it out and send it to readers.

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

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Years after being in abuse I can remember thinking back and remembering how at the time, I had thought at least my young son is not in harm’s way.  One of the many lies I had told myself during that time in my life.  I have shared other stories of what my son went through during and after witnessing abuse and living in that type of home for so long, the PTSD he still suffers with today but in this post I wanted to focus on the main thing that our children deserve and expect from us.

Heading to a party at my sisters over the holidays I had created a spur of the moment video on my new tablet.  I have been with this beautiful little girl for close to 4 years now and have taken her as my daughter.  I am the only recent role model of a mother for this beautiful girl and always want the best for her, especially with the trauma I see my own son suffering from today. I cannot share the video I made because my little girl was adopted by the man I love, this man has been a father to her since she was around 2, he feel in love with her while caring for her after her mother, someone he barely knew, couldn’t take care of her as a parent should. Since her safety is always the most important thing to all of us, I am sharing a video that I came across with photos of other beautiful children that all want for the same things, to feel loved, safe and protected at all times.

When I asked her why she loved her father she repeated over and over that he makes her feel safe and protected and that he loved her all the time.  Not that he buys her things or spends time with her, or that he cooks wonderful meals for her every night of that he makes her laugh until her belly hurts, but that he protects her from bad things and keeps her safe.  She repeated this same statement several times and didn’t sway from her answers. This little video moved her father close to tears, he isn’t a man that cries too often but to see his little girl say that he was doing is duty and making her feel protected was the best gift he could be given.

Notice that I said did his duty.  As parents, we are supposed to protect our children.  We won’t let strangers hurt them, we tell them about bad people, so what is it that we are teaching them when we stay with a person, male or female that puts them in harms way and or causes them to be sick to their stomach because they live walking on eggshells all of their life.

We are lying to ourselves when we think that the children can recover from what they are seeing daily.  We need to stop the lies already.  Take back the control of being the parents.  If you provide nothing else for your children, protect them.

I for one grew up in an abusive home, I was only physically hit maybe two times in anger, but the air in our house was thick with fear and I began to fear my own shadow as a young child.  It just grew worse as I got older.  I was placed in some counseling, but by that time, the damage had already been done to my soul.  I am certain that my upbringing is what made it so easy for me to stay in a relationship where a man treated me like dirt, beneath him.  This is what you are doing to your children when you allow yourself to stay in an abusive home, you are teaching them that they don’t deserve more and that it is acceptable for others that say the love them, treat them like crap.

If we want to break this cycle of violence that we often refer to, it needs to start by allowing our children to feel safe and protected.  When you feel protected, you can do anything that you want in life.  Share this messge, to stop the cycle of abuse, our own children must grow up feeling safe and protected so that they can share that with those in their life.

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

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I came across this video about the top 10 signs of emotional abuse, I could type them out for you here, but take the time to watch the video, if more than 1 applies to your relationship, think twice. Share this with someone you think is being emotionally abused.

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

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Calling all bloggers, looking for great resources so share online. Do you have a blog or know of a great blog, or website resource to help anyone in the aftermath of abuse? I am looking for the sites that you have found to help support you or others in the aftermath from all forms of abuse ranging from child abuse, domestic violence, verbal abuse, rape, drug addiction, PTSD and the road to recovery I would like you to share.

Please post the blog or website name and link below for others to easily find, I encourage you to write a paragraph of why you wish to share this specific site. Due to the large amount of responses on this blog I may not get a chance to thank each of you for sharing, but once the site is verified as legitimate your comment will be approved to share with others. Don’t stop at just a site, feel free to list books you have read and others things to support others.

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

I am a writer, dreamer and true believer that you change your life by changing your focus. My passion is helping those who never thought of setting goals to realize that by doing so, there is a dream inside them yearning to be discovered. With almost 50 years of life experience, 20 + years creative writing, marketing, coaching and goal setting, I live to inspire others to create the life of their dreams.

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I just had one of those really conflicting moments, I logged on to leave a new post to find that this site just hit the half a million point for hits to it. The busiest day ever was September 20th of this year. I was thrilled to see that I managed to generate a resource that so many have come to use, it ranks number one in google and other search engine for multiple keywords. I have worked hard so that others don’t ever feel totally alone. That was the happy feeling.

Then, the sad hit me like a brick, this only reinforced to me how many suffer in abuse and the aftermath. I get more emails now then ever before, ones that are sent to me directly rather than posted here. I try to answer the posts as soon as I can but it can be hard to keep up with them. The need for this site is what really made me sad. I know have men writing to me that want to stop being abusive, this is a sign of encouragement for me. For to really end all abuse, the abuser must want to change.

There was really no point to this post as many have a reason to be written, I just wanted to share the fact that because of your assistance, this has become the soft place to fall that I had always wanted it to be. So thank you for always being there to reach out and support the others that post here. I have been writing to some of you for years now and it makes me feel great when you reach out months and years later to tell me how well you are doing. That is what makes me return here day after day.

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

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Five Ways to Write About Your Anger
By: Lael Johnson

Most people have mixed feelings about feeling and expressing anger. Various influences suggest everything from practicing extreme self-control, holding it all in (end result: stoicism) to showing no boundaries about sharing anger at all(end result: anarchy). Finding the middle ground is the place where you can communicate feelings and the facts of a given situation, without hurting or blaming the other party, and vice versa. When this first scenario occurs, you are creating more space for positive communication changes to occur. When communication is less than ideal, continuing to express anger in old ways will reinforce old habits., aggravating an already difficult situation.

I’m recommending the following journal exercises to assist you in finding more positive ways to express your anger, and become a better communicator. When I have shared my feelings, and the other party has been receptive, I’ve been surprised at how calm I became, compared to how uncomfortable, I felt prior to sharing my feelings. I also have had some situations where I either didn’t receive a response or the other party remained silent. What is most important in any situation, is that I reached out and began the process.

Here is your exercise list:

ANGER SCRIBBLE:
When you have a strong reaction to a situation, start to pray and write about it. Remember to include a detailed description of your strong feelings including the facts of the situation. Remember to use as much space on a page as you can when you scribble. After filling a page, choose one scribble, and start drawing a specific shape over your scribble. Continue to scribble over the shape until you are finished. (e.g. You may feel tired or relieved. Your words may slow down or you may run out of time to write.) When you notice any of these reactions, it’s time to stop writing. Wait a few minutes for everything to settle, then move to the next exercise. (Note: You may substitute any ritual here if praying isn’t a good fit for you.)

To read the rest of the article and access a great selection of writing tips, click here …entire article by
Lael Johnson, owner of Writer’s Eye Advisory Service.

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