Moments that make us look back are often so spur of the moment. My boyfriend and I picked up my 25 year old son to take him to brunch today, I am happy that my son that could be hanging with his friends, chooses to hang with us often, I also love that my boyfriend is one of his best friends. This man has been more of a role model and father to my son this is father ever was.
We are driving back after brunch when my son randomly says, it is the 20 year anniversary of my father’s death soon. I could sense from how he said it so matter of factually like, it might rain later, that he basically feels nothing but a person he should love and care about, died. This made me so sad yet grateful this man left his life while my son was so young. Granted the damage of who his father was remained, but I can only imagine the terror he would have brought on my son as he got older. I feared he would be a teenager being forced to stay the night with an abusive drunk, my son had enough scars having he man in life for just 6 years. I am certain God took the man almost 20 years ago to save my son and I from living the rest of our lives in fear of him.
My son now has a 3 year old son, something he has always wanted. Funny, he is about to divorce but he had always said, I want a son never a wife. He so wanted to be the father he never had. Last week he told me he son said, “daddy, we will be best friends forever.” My son glowed, as a mother I deeply wish he had this from his own father.
Back today, the man that adores him, my boyfriend of 8 years, took him out to buy him a bike, granted my son is 25, but having a man you respect just take out to get you something you really want, it is just so bonding as a mother to watch. If anything, the past that we both had has made us both greatly appreciate the good people in our life, my boyfriend being one of the best ones. My son introduces us to his friends as his mother and stepfather, years ago is was my mom’s boyfriend, this just melted my guys heart. Today they are unable to find the right bike so they come back home and I see my boyfriend taking his favorite bike out to the truck to send it home with my son, my son liked the bike and since they were not able to find one today, he gave him his. Just the look of joy on my son’s face made it all worth it. Knowing someone cares about you enough to give up something they enjoy to see you happy.
There is no point to this writing today except that I knew I wanted to share it with all of you. There is hope of a better life, for years I have lived waiting for the shoe to drop, but it hasn’t. My life has been calm and happy, extra happy in the last 8 years having a great man in it and my son so happy. I need to accept that my life is good and get rid of that feeling that it won’t last. This keeps me grateful every day for what I have, funny how a bad past can do that for you. May you find your grateful.
Love & Peace,