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One of my all-time favorite books is called Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach. If you never read another book of self-discovery, read this one. A dear friend gave me this book a few years after I was out of the abuse.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall – how staring down that woman in the mirror can help you recover from abuse

It is set up to read a quote and then one page for the day, something to inspire you and make you think. I read that book front to back for over five years.

I would finish the book, then a month or so later pick it back up and start all over again.

Each you I was growing so when I read the same thing again it meant something different. I grew more each time I read this book.

to read the rest of this post please click here
Love & Peace,
Rebecca

 

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live_in_the_5_seconds_of_your_life

I was working the other day and wanted to learn more about the 5-second rule, while I had used some of this in my life I wanted to know more.  The video has one of my favorite people, Lewis Howe, just a down to earth person that I am learning so much from in regards to the people he brings on his show.

Sounds too simple, but it works for me and can work for you.

click here to read the full article

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

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Photo-Bigger-Tolerations

Stop Tolerating – Start Living. My favorite time of the year is the week between Christmas and the New Year, during that time I decide what my major 3 goals will be for the following year, one thing I strive to do is have them all written down and set in Stone by New Years day or that week at the latest, by set in stone I mean they have been written in my goal journal and entered into a PowerPoint that I update yearly and as my goals change, posted on the bathroom mirror and written somewhere so that I see them from my bed.

to read the full article click here

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

 

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I wrote this poem years ago and still read it daily to stay inspired and focused:

Dream Focused

Focus,
Focus,
Focus,
Look at nothing else
Put on all your blinders
Or what you want you will lose sight
Concentration is important
Even though it may not seem
If you wish to have what you want in life
You must focus on the dream
Live it
Feel it
Be it
or nothing you will have
For those without a dream in life
Wander down the path
Someday you will feel frightened
Lost and all alone
Close your eyes and search your soul
For something to pull you through
A memory
A dream
A promise of tomorrow
The fate is in store for you must first be thought by You!

 

Today I was reviewing advice online to help rebuild self-esteem after abuse and this article was to the point, don’t try to fix everything, be patient with yourself. I wanted to share the link to the article after reading this part as I have often shared the same advice:

Be patient with yourself. Think about how you’d treat a best friend who had just been through your same situation. You likely wouldn’t tell them to “get over it already.” Let yourself take as much time as you need to sort through your emotions, feel what you need to feel and slowly come back to a positive outlook on the future.

The site offers a ton of resources such as forums and groups to support you in the aftermath of abuse, for teens and adults.  My goal is to provide you with resources and this looks like a pretty good one.  To read the rest of the article click here Rebuilding Your Self-Esteem after abuse.

If you have a site that offers support or know of one please share it in the comments, we are here to help each other heal, if not, what was the point of all of this?

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

Dream_Focused_Inspirational_Poetry_children_adults

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Domestic Abuse resources by state: http://womenslaw.org/gethelp.php

The following was copied from: http://www.abanet.org/tips/dvsafety.html it will provide you with great resources/tips to leave

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Safety Tips For You And Your Family

IF YOU ARE IN DANGER, CALL 911
or your local police emergency number

To find out about help in your area, call:
National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-SAFE
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

Whether or not you feel able to leave an abuser,
there are things you can do to make yourself and your family safer.

IN AN EMERGENCY

If you are at home & you are being threatened or attacked:

  • Stay away from the kitchen (the abuser can find weapons, like knives, there)
  • Stay away from bathrooms, closets or small spaces where the abuser can trap you
  • Get to a room with a door or window to escape
  • Get to a room with a phone to call for help; lock the abuser outside if you can
  • Call 911 (or your local emergency number) right away for help; get the dispatcher’s name
  • Think about a neighbor or friend you can run to for help
  • If a police officer comes, tell him/her what happened; get his/her name & badge number
  • Get medical help if you are hurt
  • Take pictures of bruises or injuries
  • Call a domestic violence program or shelter (some are listed here); ask them to help you make a safety plan

HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF AT HOME

  • Learn where to get help; memorize emergency phone numbers
  • Keep a phone in a room you can lock from the inside; if you can, get a cellular phone that you keep with you at all times
  • If the abuser has moved out, change the locks on your door; get locks on the windows
  • Plan an escape route out of your home; teach it to your children
  • Think about where you would go if you need to escape
  • Ask your neighbors to call the police if they see the abuser at your house; make a signal for them to call the police, for example, if the phone rings twice, a shade is pulled down or a light is on
  • Pack a bag with important things you’d need if you had to leave quickly; put it in a safe place, or give it to a friend or relative you trust
  • Include cash, car keys & important information such as: court papers, passport or birth certificates, medical records & medicines, immigration papers
  • Get an unlisted phone number
  • Block caller ID
  • Use an answering machine; screen the calls
  • Take a good self-defense course

HOW TO MAKE YOUR CHILDREN SAFER

  • Teach them not to get in the middle of a fight, even if they want to help
  • Teach them how to get to safety, to call 911, to give your address & phone number to the police
  • Teach them who to call for help
  • Tell them to stay out of the kitchen
  • Give the principal at school or the daycare center a copy of your court order; tell them not to release your children to anyone without talking to you first; use a password so they can be sure it is you on the phone; give them a photo of the abuser
  • Make sure the children know who to tell at school if they see the abuser
  • Make sure that the school knows not to give your address or phone number to ANYONE

HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF OUTSIDE THE HOME

  • Change your regular travel habits
  • Try to get rides with different people
  • Shop and bank in a different place
  • Cancel any bank accounts or credit cards you shared; open new accounts at a different bank
  • Keep your court order and emergency numbers with you at all times
  • Keep a cell phone & program it to 911 (or other emergency number)

HOW TO MAKE YOURSELF SAFER AT WORK

  • Keep a copy of your court order at work
  • Give a picture of the abuser to security and friends at work
  • Tell your supervisors – see if they can make it harder for the abuser to find you
  • Don’t go to lunch alone
  • Ask a security guard to walk you to your car or to the bus
  • If the abuser calls you at work, save voice mail and save e-mail
  • Your employer may be able to help you find community resources

USING THE LAW TO HELP YOU

Protection or Restraining Orders

  • Ask your local domestic violence program who can help you get a civil protection order and who can help you with criminal prosecution
  • Ask for help in finding a lawyer

In most places, the judge can:

  • Order the abuser to stay away from you or your children
  • Order the abuser to leave your home
  • Give you temporary custody of your children & order the abuser to pay you temporary child support
  • Order the police to come to your home while the abuser picks up personal belongings
  • Give you possession of the car, furniture and other belongings
  • Order the abuser to go to a batterers intervention program
  • Order the abuser not to call you at work
  • Order the abuser to give guns to the police

If you are worried about any of the following, make sure you:

  • Show the judge any pictures of your injuries
  • Tell the judge that you do not feel safe if the abuser comes to your home to pick up the children to visit with them
  • Ask the judge to order the abuser to pick up and return the children at the police station or some other safe place
  • Ask that any visits the abuser is permitted are at very specific times so the police will know by reading the court order if the abuser is there at the wrong time
  • Tell the judge if the abuser has harmed or threatened the children; ask that visits be supervised; think about who could do that for you
  • Get a certified copy of the court order
  • Keep the court order with you at all times

CRIMINAL PROCEEDINGS

  • Show the prosecutor your court orders
  • Show the prosecutor medical records about your injuries or pictures if you have them
  • Tell the prosecutor the name of anyone who is helping you (a victim advocate or a lawyer)
  • Tell the prosecutor about any witnesses to injuries or abuse
  • Ask the prosecutor to notify you ahead of time if the abuser is getting out of jail

BE SAFE AT THE COURTHOUSE

  • Sit as far away from the abuser as you can; you don’t have to look at or talk to the abuser; you don’t have to talk to the abuser’s family or friends if they are there
  • Bring a friend or relative with you to wait until your case is heard
  • Tell a bailiff or sheriff that you are afraid of the abuser and ask him/her to look out for you
  • Make sure you have your court order before you leave
  • Ask the judge or the sheriff to keep the abuser there for a while when court is over; leave quickly
  • If you think the abuser is following you when you leave, call the police immediately
  • If you have to travel to another State for work or to get away from the abuser, take your protection order with you; it is valid everywhere

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Domestic Violence Support by your state

The above is a wonderful resource that I was able to find from another reader here. It allows you to search for help in your own state. I hope this can become a great resource and have posted it under links too.

The main site at http://womenslaw.org/ shows you how to get a restraining order, get custody of your children to filing court documents. It is womenslaw.org, they have created an amazing resource for you. It is a place to start.

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

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Aftermath of abuse, advice to help your anger and guilt from domestic violence.

The reason that I wanted to write about the anger most women have after finally getting free from domestic abuse and violence of any kind is because as many of you know, if you can’t move past the anger you will never be truly happy, you will end up attracting the same type of abuse into your life again.

I am not a trained therapist or a Ms. Know it all, I am just a lady that lived through some of what you did, a woman that vividly remembers the anger and anxiety attacks I had after the abuse ended, feeling as though I was being abused all over again by a silent attacker.

My first piece of advice: Immediately stop worrying about what others think. This really applies to anyone in life, but especially if you have been abused.

To read the rest of this post click here Click here to read the rest of the article

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

Grab your FREE Goal & Progress Worksheets to help you set Obtainable Goals as well as the additional daily checklists to keep you Focused and Successful!

 

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