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Archive for the ‘self help’ Category

One of my all-time favorite books is called Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach. If you never read another book of self-discovery, read this one. A dear friend gave me this book a few years after I was out of the abuse.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall – how staring down that woman in the mirror can help you recover from abuse

It is set up to read a quote and then one page for the day, something to inspire you and make you think. I read that book front to back for over five years.

I would finish the book, then a month or so later pick it back up and start all over again.

Each you I was growing so when I read the same thing again it meant something different. I grew more each time I read this book.

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Love & Peace,
Rebecca

 

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Change the record already – 15 tips to survive an anxiety attack and how to stop them (photo by Kinga Cichewicz)

Okay, I hate my life, my job sucks, the kids are fighting, I have no money, I can’t breathe, my chest hurts, Oh my God I think I will die, I can’t breathe ….

Does that sound familiar? It sure does to me.

I could work myself up into quite a tizzy on a moment’s notice and didn’t realize that I had the control to stop the anxiety attack. Granted taking medicine for a short time helped but the trick to stopping the attacks completely was to learn what to do before one came a knocking. To this day I am thankful that I found the ways to grow stronger as a woman, especially in the aftermath of the abuse I lived through for years.

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Love & Peace,
Rebecca

 

 

 

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live_in_the_5_seconds_of_your_life

I was working the other day and wanted to learn more about the 5-second rule, while I had used some of this in my life I wanted to know more.  The video has one of my favorite people, Lewis Howe, just a down to earth person that I am learning so much from in regards to the people he brings on his show.

Sounds too simple, but it works for me and can work for you.

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Love & Peace,
Rebecca

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Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to Pinterest I go!

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When I first wrote this post around 3 years ago I had just recently learned about the power of Pinterest. It was months after hearing the name before I finally decided to check out what all the excitement was about. Well, here we are, maybe 3 or more years later. At first, I was interested in what the site had to offer me in the way of marketing as it was discussed in a seminar for business and after watching a video on how to set things up, I was off and running like a kid in a candy store.

I set up a few boards and began pinning things that I liked, that is where the addiction began.

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Love & Peace,
Rebecca

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Photo-Bigger-Tolerations

Stop Tolerating – Start Living. My favorite time of the year is the week between Christmas and the New Year, during that time I decide what my major 3 goals will be for the following year, one thing I strive to do is have them all written down and set in Stone by New Years day or that week at the latest, by set in stone I mean they have been written in my goal journal and entered into a PowerPoint that I update yearly and as my goals change, posted on the bathroom mirror and written somewhere so that I see them from my bed.

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Love & Peace,
Rebecca

 

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Do you suffer from the anxiety of wanting something so much that you yearn and crave to be doing it every minute of every day?

I do. I admit that I am a writer wannabee. I think about writing, I fall to sleep at night thinking about writing, I talk about writing; sadly, the only thing that I don’t do is actually write on a consistent basis.

Are_Your_A_Wannabee_Procrastinating_Dreamer

Are you a Wannabee Procrastinating Dreamer?

This procrastination doesn’t affect anyone but good old me. One of my biggest fears in life was growing old alone, which doesn’t seem something that I need to worry about anymore since I have been blessed to meet the man of my dreams, but not writing is something that is allowing my life’s dream to slip away, one unwritten page and word at a time.

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Love & Peace,
Rebecca

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I am often thankful that I found ways to grow stronger as a woman, especially in the aftermath of the abuse I lived through for years. Without this coping skill, I never would have become the strong woman I am today, ten years later. These are some of the things that I did and still, do today to stay strong. Stronger than the abuser. Stronger than my past. I am not my past and neither are you.

Listen to motivational shows/tapes/cd:
Initially, someone gave me a motivational 30-day tape series by Anthony Robbins. I listened to this program for the next 4 years every new years week This system really helped me the most. I also journal, listened to motivating music and really opened up to friends and family for the first time. I needed to learn to stop minimizing what had happened.

Knowing how to relieve your own stress is a priceless gift. Everyone in the world can offer up ideas but like anything else, you need to find what works for you. Years ago I would play the stress over and over in my head, always focusing on the worst that had happened or the worst that could happen. Eventually, I would work myself up into a full anxiety attack by playing the same old record in my head.

Today, I allow myself to stress for a bit, just enough to know I need to take some action, then when I realize that focusing on the stress of issue is not changing it, normally takes about five minutes, I realize that even though I may not have control over the situation I do have control over my own thoughts and what I chose to focus on. I forced myself to count to five in my head then think of something else, anything else.

To help myself de-stress from everyday life I learned that for me playing a certain few songs would snap me out immediately, for some reason the tape for River-dance gave me energy, Bach as well. Find what works for you. Many times to clear my head a good old hot bath and a few candles would do the trick. The true trick is to force yourself to only think good things while you are in the bath. If you focus on the issues you won’t relax. Even if you just stare at a candle and clear your mind you will feel so much better after your bath.

Knowing how to de-stress before the stress is full blown is the key.

Talk and Share:
I encourage you to talk to someone you trust. It may not be family, it may be someone that you don’t know online or over the phone. Sharing what happened and how you felt will help you to move on. The worst thing you can do it keep it inside, thinking that makes you stronger. Letting it out and moving on makes you stronger. Keeping it in may allow it to return to your life one day. Break that invisible chain.

Read:
I often encourage women to read, it helps you to see that there is a way out of the depression that is often felt when leaving an abusive relationship. I tried to read during the abuse but my abuser belittled me and I finally gave up trying to better myself. I actually secretly wrote a novel during the abuse. It was my only sanity. I had to hide it for her ripped up the first copy.

What makes YOU Smile?:
Find something that is for just you. Anything that makes you feel a bit better. It doesn’t have to be a day at the spa, simply fixing your hair on a day that you don’t want to help. Painting your nails, buying a new comforter or perfume. It doesn’t have to cost money, find simple things that you like to do. Make your pretty smile a priority. You wore it upside down for way too long. You are what you decide to be, not what someone else led you to believe.

Counseling:
I hesitated at first but after placing my son in counseling I was encouraged to go too. I had thought since the abuse was over I was fine. Never mind the constant anxiety attacks and the fact that I was living off of only coffee and stress. It was one of the best things that I ever did for myself. I was able to share things that I would never share with another soul, even my closest family, and friends. You know, things that you can’t even believe you put up with. It was an impartial party that helped me through the grieving process. Yes, grieving. Even though you are most times happy to be away from the abuser you had lived that life for so long you feel alone and empty. Your routine of suffering in isolation is suddenly gone most times. If you are like me I was unable to talk or even have an opinion in my home with my husband so suddenly having someone encourage me to share was difficult at first. Once I got over being embarrassed that I cried each time I opened my mouth I just let it out. I would then come home and read and write in a journal. When I later looked back at the journals I was amazed to see how much stronger I had become, one day, one boo hoo session at a time. Don’t mask the pain with drugs or ignorance. Let the mask go.

If needed, Move to Move on:
Ten years later I would say most of my scars are gone. My nightmares finally stopped just this year when I moved. I had stayed in the same home for ten years, big mistake. Moving set me and my son free from the nightmares. One day he told me every corner of the apartment had a bad memory for him. That was when I knew I couldn’t get rid of all those memories if we stayed here.

What do you do to stay inspired and strong?:
I would like to ask that women who visit please share something here. This is a frequently asked question of readers. What do I do now? Please share what you have done and keep doing to stay strong. Your tips will help other women who seek this wisdom.

What do you do? Share it, don’t keep it all to yourself now!

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