I received the following post in another location and as always felt it would be best to start a new posting to support this woman.
Submitted on 2011/01/26 at 1:46 am
I´ve read almost everything on the website. On those who´ve left and those who are still chained. I´m chained and embarrassed by it. I´ll say what it is, after 12 years of marriage, I cheated on him. I don´t want to use the abuse as an excuse. I found a time of peace. I should have looked for God or therapy. I didn´t. That has made the abuse escalate to degrees I never imagined could. All verbal. He said I was a bad person and he would ´take me to hell and back so I could be reborn into a better person´. Sounds impossible but he did. He broke me down to nothing and redefined me as worthless. I am ultimately feeling worthless because of me. I know that. But he reminds me so often. A lot of you know the phrases, ´I wish you were dead, you should leave this house, I was with the other woman because you made me angry, I don´t know if I want to be with you.. you are so #$%&@ and on and on.´ Sleepless nights of endless sermons and violent whispers like sitting in a waiting room wondering when the next arrow is going to carve through your soul. I´ve finally decided after 4 years of escalated abuse to call home. To call mom. I’ve lived in Mexico since I got married leaving my family behind in the US. Don´t have friends, he sabotaged the two times I´ve tried going to therapy and well, I´m chained and ashamed of it. I´m not afraid to be a single mom… I´m afraid, I think of living without his approval. I know what you´re all thinking but… I haven´t seen the light. I apologize to all you strong women who´ve gotten out because this here is a weak link. Perhaps one day staying will be that much worse. I´ll wait.
January 26, 2011
Such a beautiful name you have, since you posted your name I have left it here. I was so happy to see that you reached out for support. First rule on this blog, judgment free zone. We understand all the reasons why others decide to stay because we have all made those same decisions at one time or another, so let that worry go. We are here to support you at no matter what stage of abuse you are at. We would all prefer to be cheering you on as you are off on your own living the life you want, but you will get there. I know you want more, I can here it.
Your story is heartbreaking, yes I know you cheated and the guilt must be horrible, but you will live with that, this is no way makes you deserve the abuse. What would you tell a dear friend to do? You would tell her she deserves more and to get out now. Don’t let him sabatage you another day, you don’t deserve it.
I would and did prefer to be a single mom than to live and die more another day in front of my son. I understand that you are embarrased, I was there too, the hardest person to forgive with all that happened was me, the lady in the mirror. Finally, one day you will look in that mirror and see that you are here for more than this.
Remember, most times verbal abuse leads to physical. We teach others how to treat us, if you continue to stay, he will take that as his ability to treat you even worse, although verbal abuse stays with you longer than physical abuse for it is harder to forget.
You said something that saddened me to the end of my soul, perhaps one day staying will be that much worse, I’ll wait. What is it that you are waiting for? Your children to bury you. To be physically hurt? I urge you to sit and write, it would do you well. Even though no one will ever read it, even if you chose to write here where it will support others, can help to clear the fog in your head. I often said I was so close to things that it was hard to see a way out.
I am here for you as well as the other readers. I have set up a stand alone post string for you. It is easier for you directly to get the support you need. Your post can get lost in the location it is now and I don’t want to see that happen. I want you to know that you are never alone, we have walked in your shoes and want to help you walk those shoes out the door into a better life.
Keep in touch, you are worth more than this, your children too.
Readers, help me to support this woman dealing with so much pain. This blog is for this reason, lets show what this amazing group of ladies can do to support one another, or what is the point of all that we went through.
Love & Peace,