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Archive for the ‘domestic violence-healing’ Category

One of my all-time favorite books is called Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach. If you never read another book of self-discovery, read this one. A dear friend gave me this book a few years after I was out of the abuse.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall – how staring down that woman in the mirror can help you recover from abuse

It is set up to read a quote and then one page for the day, something to inspire you and make you think. I read that book front to back for over five years.

I would finish the book, then a month or so later pick it back up and start all over again.

Each you I was growing so when I read the same thing again it meant something different. I grew more each time I read this book.

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Love & Peace,
Rebecca

 

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Dedicated to slain officer’s Tom Baitinger and Jeffrey Yaslowitz, their families, co-workers, community, and pets, especially Ace.

Violence is not the problem; it is a consequence of the problem – Jim Wallis

German_Shepherd_police_dog_tribute

Dedicated to slain officer’s Tom Baitinger and Jeffrey Yaslowitz, their families, co-workers, community, and pets, especially Ace.

I wrote this around 6 years ago but never posted it, while looking at some past writing I stumbled on it and felt that this was something I needed to share as nothing has changed over the years. I decided to post this on January 24th, on the anniversary of this event.

That night, some 6 years ago on January 24, 2011, I sat glued like the rest of the state as we saw a house being turned to ashes; even wood beams and concrete were not safe from what happened today. Riddled with bullets, tear gas and death, for the safety of everyone involved, the house was destroyed.

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Love & Peace,
Rebecca

 

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Photo-Bigger-Tolerations

Stop Tolerating – Start Living. My favorite time of the year is the week between Christmas and the New Year, during that time I decide what my major 3 goals will be for the following year, one thing I strive to do is have them all written down and set in Stone by New Years day or that week at the latest, by set in stone I mean they have been written in my goal journal and entered into a PowerPoint that I update yearly and as my goals change, posted on the bathroom mirror and written somewhere so that I see them from my bed.

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Love & Peace,
Rebecca

 

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I wrote this poem years ago and still read it daily to stay inspired and focused:

Dream Focused

Focus,
Focus,
Focus,
Look at nothing else
Put on all your blinders
Or what you want you will lose sight
Concentration is important
Even though it may not seem
If you wish to have what you want in life
You must focus on the dream
Live it
Feel it
Be it
or nothing you will have
For those without a dream in life
Wander down the path
Someday you will feel frightened
Lost and all alone
Close your eyes and search your soul
For something to pull you through
A memory
A dream
A promise of tomorrow
The fate is in store for you must first be thought by You!

 

Today I was reviewing advice online to help rebuild self-esteem after abuse and this article was to the point, don’t try to fix everything, be patient with yourself. I wanted to share the link to the article after reading this part as I have often shared the same advice:

Be patient with yourself. Think about how you’d treat a best friend who had just been through your same situation. You likely wouldn’t tell them to “get over it already.” Let yourself take as much time as you need to sort through your emotions, feel what you need to feel and slowly come back to a positive outlook on the future.

The site offers a ton of resources such as forums and groups to support you in the aftermath of abuse, for teens and adults.  My goal is to provide you with resources and this looks like a pretty good one.  To read the rest of the article click here Rebuilding Your Self-Esteem after abuse.

If you have a site that offers support or know of one please share it in the comments, we are here to help each other heal, if not, what was the point of all of this?

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

Dream_Focused_Inspirational_Poetry_children_adults

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It is amazing the small decisions that can really change your life, your mood, everything.  No matter where you are, there are decisions you can make.  Sometimes we are surviving in the moment and the decision to survive is all we have. If you are in that place today, know that it can change, I am proof of that.

Yesterday my family went off to volunteer at a Triathlon for the disabled.  I did not go as mommy really needed a just me day as I can’t remember the last time I had one of those, if you are able to make one of those happen, do it, even if you can’t have a full day, take what you can get, sometimes an hour or two can change your outlook and mood.

While my family was off doing good in the world, I was home thinking of how I could do good for Rebecca.

I had been struggling recently as I had been on pretty much bed-rest for 4-5 months with migraine associated vertigo, never heard of it, great, you don’t’ want to.

It is basically a thief that slowly steals your life and sentences you to dark rooms, headaches and sunglasses pretty much 24-7 with the bonus of feeling like you are on a very fast merry go round!

The good news is that I was able to return to somewhat of my normal life a little over a month ago but I have not been able to get back any of the focus I had before then.

Most days I was going through the motions of what needed to be done but wasn’t writing which is my biggest passion, of course I was thinking about writing because that is what I do, I think too much and often struggle to get out of my own head.

 

Well today was a different day mentally and I really don’t think this would have happened if I had been surrounded by others, the silence and solitude helped bring out a change.

I slept late because next to writing and my grandson, sleeping is my favorite thing to do.

Not long after being up today I had that normal urge to write, the one I usually push  down as it doesn’t’ seem as important as other things like cleaning the house, but today was different, I put my laptop on my bed and began doing some writing, nothing here just some other projects that began to get the juices flowing.

I hear of writers that don’t know what to write about but I never seem to run out of ideas, I just run out of the follow through to put the words on paper and sometimes to just hit publish.

After a little bit of writing I put Youtube on my tv from my phone, which I love to do and the video I wrote about yesterday that talked about how counting down from 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 can change your life.  The fact that I had gotten the juices flowing and then seeing a video that inspired me prompted the post from yesterday. You have a 5 second window to change your life, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 …

Once I felt I had filled that void I had in me for sometime, I went to the pool where we live, they had just redone this area and put in those large cabanas like at a resort and I was the only one there on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, had there been someone bringing me cold drinks on demand, it would have been Heaven.

Actually it was, I took a nice dip just to cool off then I laid on the biggest bed and spread out.  I listened to Pink and worked on a much needed tan.

Soon after my guy and girl came home, tired as could be.  Unlike me, they worked very hard today, they gave out water and cold towels and assisted those that needed assistance to medical after a long hot Triathlon.

They came home with amazing pictures of people that looked like they had all odds against them but never let it stop them, it was very inspiring.

lady mentor

Back to my reason for writing today, this is now Monday and I was able to get up earlier, get a few things done and sit down here to write this, it may encourage you to take some time to yourself, it may not.

Having that one day to myself yesterday (which did not included chores) has helped to jump start my productivity again, something I have been trying to get back for months.

 

Again, it is the little things that matter and the little decisions that can change your life.  I am all about changing your life by changing your focus and that is so true for me.  You get what you focus on, stop focusing on what you can’t change.

I had often focused on a horrible past as it seemed to have such a strong hold on me as though I had never really gotten free.

Funny as I reread this for errors I wonder if I write all of this just for me, to remind myself of what is important. Writing is an amazing gift to give yourself, it is sometimes like a therapist but much cheaper.

I highly encourage you to write, even if you do not want to share it with the world you can journal privately.

Ladies, it is time to be free, if you are out of the violence and struggling to heal find some rituals that can quickly bring you back to this minute and what you want moving forward.

This was one of the hardest things for me and at times still is today but each day is that fresh start to create the life you want. How that ritual cup of coffee can help you stay Committed & Focused!

I would love to hear what you did or are doing now to get past your past.  What did you do to move forward and heal?  Have you drastically changed your life for the better?  If so, please share your story for others, stories that encourage can change another life.

May you get a few minutes silence and solitude today.

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

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I always love when I open the right book at the right time or turn on the TV and one of my favorites things in on.  Well, something like that happened today but I wasn’t even looking.  I love that I can cast Youtube from my phone to my bedroom tv, well today I was doing some work on the computer and I wanted to watch some videos about the stuff I love, blogging, marketing, stuff like that, nothing special, but this filled the silence without having to put on music.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my silence but when doing some tasks, this helps.

After watching a video about blogging suddenly one started to play that I think was titled, The best speech ever, secret to self motivation. It talks about the 5 second rule and no, not the one where if you drop that piece of candy on the floor you can pick it up within 5 seconds, if no one saw you, maybe you have 10.

You_have_5_seconds_to_change_your_life

This was about how motivation rarely works but counting down from 5, 4. 3. 2. 1 can and does all over the world.  I had watched something about this earlier in the year and had implemented it, but then like some habits, I just stopped, but it had been working.

It was like my mojo knew I needed this 5 second rule reminder. Now writing this it reminded me that I used this method when I never heard of as I dealt with major anxiety attacks in the past, I would allow my self 5 seconds to change my thoughts, it always worked. Tips to survive an anxiety attack

Please share below if you have used this countdown method to stop anxiety or improve areas of your life. Normally the simple things we feel won’t work.

I strongly encourage you to watch this video, it may be just what you needed to snap into action for things in your life, this will apply to every single area of your life.  The link is below and I embedded the video so you can save another second, and you better know I am counting down, if you do not click the link to watch withing 5 seconds, you never will.

5 seconds to change your life – best speech ever

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

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Moments that make us look back are often so spur of the moment.  My boyfriend and I picked up my 25 year old son to take him to brunch today,  I am happy that my son that could be hanging with his friends, chooses to hang with us often, I also love that my boyfriend is one of his best friends. This man has been more of a role model and father to my son this is father ever was.

We are driving back after brunch when my son randomly says, it is the 20 year anniversary of my father’s death soon.  I could sense from how he said it so matter of factually like, it might rain later, that he basically feels nothing but a person he should love and care about, died.  This made me so sad yet grateful this man left his life while my son was so young.  Granted the damage of who his father was remained, but I can only imagine the terror he would have brought on my son as he got older.  I feared he would be a teenager being forced to stay the night with an abusive drunk, my son had enough scars having he man in life for just 6 years. I am certain God took the man almost 20 years ago to save my son and I from living the rest of our lives in fear of him.

My son now has a 3 year old son, something he has always wanted.  Funny, he is about to divorce but he had always said, I want a son never a wife.  He so wanted to be the father he never had.  Last week he told me he son said, “daddy, we will be best friends forever.”  My son glowed, as a mother I deeply wish he had this from his own father.

Back today, the man that adores him, my boyfriend of 8 years, took him out to buy him a bike, granted my son is 25, but having a man you respect just take out to get you something you really want, it is just so bonding as a mother to watch.  If anything, the past that we both had has made us both greatly appreciate the good people in our life, my boyfriend being one of the best ones.  My son introduces us to his friends as his mother and stepfather, years ago is was my mom’s boyfriend, this just melted my guys heart.  Today they are unable to find the right bike so they come back home and I see my boyfriend taking his favorite bike out to the truck to send it home with my son, my son liked the bike and since they were not able to find one today, he gave him his.   Just the look of joy on my son’s face made it all worth it.  Knowing someone cares about you enough to give up something they enjoy to see you happy.

There is no point to this writing today except that I knew I wanted to share it with all of you.  There is hope of a better life, for years I have lived waiting for the shoe to drop, but it hasn’t.  My life has been calm and happy, extra happy in the last 8 years having a great man in it and my son so happy.  I need to accept that my life is good and get rid of that feeling that it won’t last.  This keeps me grateful every day for what I have, funny how a bad past can do that for you.  May you find your grateful.

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

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