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Archive for the ‘domestic violence-healing’ Category

Moments that make us look back are often so spur of the moment.  My boyfriend and I picked up my 25 year old son to take him to brunch today,  I am happy that my son that could be hanging with his friends, chooses to hang with us often, I also love that my boyfriend is one of his best friends. This man has been more of a role model and father to my son this is father ever was.

We are driving back after brunch when my son randomly says, it is the 20 year anniversary of my father’s death soon.  I could sense from how he said it so matter of factually like, it might rain later, that he basically feels nothing but a person he should love and care about, died.  This made me so sad yet grateful this man left his life while my son was so young.  Granted the damage of who his father was remained, but I can only imagine the terror he would have brought on my son as he got older.  I feared he would be a teenager being forced to stay the night with an abusive drunk, my son had enough scars having he man in life for just 6 years. I am certain God took the man almost 20 years ago to save my son and I from living the rest of our lives in fear of him.

My son now has a 3 year old son, something he has always wanted.  Funny, he is about to divorce but he had always said, I want a son never a wife.  He so wanted to be the father he never had.  Last week he told me he son said, “daddy, we will be best friends forever.”  My son glowed, as a mother I deeply wish he had this from his own father.

Back today, the man that adores him, my boyfriend of 8 years, took him out to buy him a bike, granted my son is 25, but having a man you respect just take out to get you something you really want, it is just so bonding as a mother to watch.  If anything, the past that we both had has made us both greatly appreciate the good people in our life, my boyfriend being one of the best ones.  My son introduces us to his friends as his mother and stepfather, years ago is was my mom’s boyfriend, this just melted my guys heart.  Today they are unable to find the right bike so they come back home and I see my boyfriend taking his favorite bike out to the truck to send it home with my son, my son liked the bike and since they were not able to find one today, he gave him his.   Just the look of joy on my son’s face made it all worth it.  Knowing someone cares about you enough to give up something they enjoy to see you happy.

There is no point to this writing today except that I knew I wanted to share it with all of you.  There is hope of a better life, for years I have lived waiting for the shoe to drop, but it hasn’t.  My life has been calm and happy, extra happy in the last 8 years having a great man in it and my son so happy.  I need to accept that my life is good and get rid of that feeling that it won’t last.  This keeps me grateful every day for what I have, funny how a bad past can do that for you.  May you find your grateful.

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

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I know this site is often focused on sad things, healing and moving on.  Today I wanted to write about living in the grateful of today.  For some of you, I know there seems like nothing to be grateful for, I have been there too.  At times the only grateful I had was that I was holding my rosary in my hand so that if I died it would be with me. He broke my Rosary out of jealousy one night, to this day I never had it fixed, not sure why, maybe just a reminder of what was and will never be again.

For those of you that are out of immediate danger just being able to breath is something to be grateful for.  I can remember how happy I was that I could open the window shades and let sunshine into my home as he always had them shut, it was a depressing home to say the least.  Now, the first thing I still do every morning is open the shades and let the light in.  Sitting and having a cup of coffee all to myself, no one talking to me, forcing myself to stay focused on the hot coffee and smell, clearing my head for the day.

I am sitting now with that same broken rosary grateful for this moment as I think of the full circle moment I had yesterday.  I had listened to Martina McBride’s Independence Day for years, during some of the most difficult times in my life, I was not selecting the song it would just happen to play on the TV country station  my husband would have on all the time.  I would pretend to not really be interested as I went about my day but would focus on every word she sang.  I was in the midst of the abuse she was singing about and that song was like someone else knew I was there and knew what I was going through. I was always worried he would know what I was thinking when this song played.

Even during the ten or more years I have been free that song will still stop me in my tracks. Well for my full circle, I went to a baseball game tonight, my guy made sure it happened as Martina was singing after the game.  When she sang her first song, the survivor one about breast cancer, I began to cry.  It was such an odd release, I wasn’t sad but I knew that she would be singing Independence Day soon and I was emotional.

The song came, I rarely cried, only a little towards the end.  It was surreal as my now 23 year old son was sitting in the row behind me with his little 1 year old boy and wife nearby.  I had the people I love most in the world sitting around me, all knowing what that song meant to me.  They saw me crying and just smiled lovingly at me.Watching her on stage, how strong she was and how strong I had become was freeing. The song now had new meaning to me, it means for me to keep strong, never allow abuse back into my life, help others to see they can be free too, just a song from Martina to remind me where I have been, to be grateful for what I have today, safety and freedom and true love.

You may not have all of this today but find one thing that you do have to hold onto.  Find the little things to inspire you, reading with your children, being outside in the sun, writing in a journal, certain songs, that one always does it for me, certain music.  Find something to get you through whatever you are dealing with.  You will make it one day, why not today? Be grateful for something as little as opening the windows and letting the sunshine in.I think of everyone that comes here all the time, if I were given magic powers or maybe one wish it would be that domestic violence was something that used to happen in the world, something we talked about in the past tense, something that once was, not something many deal with every day.  It would be that you be free, happy and safe.  May that one wish come true for all of you.

Please share what you are grateful for today, it often helps others to see what they may be taking for granted.  What are you most grateful for today?

May you have your full circle moment, your Independence Day.

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

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photo by D. Sharon Pruitt

photo by D. Sharon Pruitt

It has been sometime since I really put out a heartfelt post.  I felt compelled to do so today.  It was random as I don’t watch too much tv anymore but I happened to find myself watching a Dr. Phil episode.  I was happy yet sad to see he was doing a show about how to escape a violent abuse marriage safely.  He had a woman from a shelter there to let woman know what to expect if they called for help.  They talked about safety, the woman called the line, got in her car and left.  She had a camera crew following her as she had been on the show for a substance abuse.

While I was thrilled to see the topic so out there, I couldn’t help but think of the woman, myself included that didn’t have a camera crew there, that may not have had access to a car or a phone to get away.  For me, he would redial the phone when he came home, I was scared to breathe or even think of leaving.

I am not saying it will be easy to leave, hell I know it won’t be, but staying isn’t easy either.  Leaving will be one of the hardest things you will ever do, I know for me it was, but once I left, I was able to breath, I still struggled but the freedom of not being abused was worth it all.

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

photo by D. Sharon Pruitt

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