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set goals and move beyond domestic violence

set goals and move beyond domestic violence

Hi Ladies,

I recently created a facebook page to gather us as a group in moving forward from this point, it will not be a place to share our horror stories, we can do that here, the page will be for moving forward, sharing what you did to move past the abuse, what do you do now to keep your life on track. Help me show those here that finally left abuse and wonder, now what, how do I live my life now?  Show them your strength o encourage them in knowing they too can do this.   Please join the page, once you do you will have access to free ebooks that I will be adding, come today to get Inside the mind of Winners, great stories that inspire.  Please like the page to encourage others to follow.

https://www.facebook.com/rebecca.burns.967422

I want to see this community grow into the next stage of healing and support for others, help me do that.

I will launch my new site soon, it will be an amazing resource for you, join me on facebook so you will be the first to know it is ready to visit.

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

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Quotes about Domestic Violence

I encourage you to post related Quotes and I will list them all here. Please leave the name of the author, as a writer I don’t like to post without giving credit. Readers are often searching for quotes on Domestic Violence and Support. I hope that these may inspire our day or make you think; abuse is never your fault and should not be tolerated by anyone.

9/24/2013
“Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude.” For that means that no matter how unhappy your marriage is, you can be happy as an individual –  Dale Carnegie

The following was recently by Daniel:

“PEOPLE WHO HAVE EITHER BEEN TREATED BADLY OR ABUSED AS A CHILD MAY OR MAY NOT END UP BEING THE ABUSER WHEN THEY GET OLDER,

OTHERS THAT SUFFER FROM THE ABUSE MIGHT SUFFER ANXIETY OR MAY NOT BE ABLE TO LIVE THERE NORMAL LIVES AGAIN.”

– DANIEL ARMSTRONG

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If you wish to have what you want in life you must Focus on the Dream, if you focus on the pain and fear you will only want to scream! by Rebecca J. Burns www.the-laststraw.com
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Long term domestic violence: Being abused in this manner is like being kidnapped and tortured for ransom but you will never have enough to pay off the kidnapper. by Rebecca J. Burns … www.the-laststraw.com

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Do you suffer with the anxiety of wanting something so much that you yearn and crave to be doing it every minute of every day?

I do. I admit that I am a writer wanabee. I think about writing, I fall to sleep at night thinking about writing, I talk about writing; sadly, the only thing that I don’t do is actually write on a consistent basis.

Are_Your_A_Wannabee_Procrastinating_Dreamer

Are you a Wannabee Procrastinating Dreamer?

This procrastination doesn’t affect anyone but good old me. One of my biggest fears in life was growing old alone, which doesn’t seem something that I need to worry about anymore since I have been blessed to meet the man of my dreams, but not writing is something that is allowing my life’s dream to slip away, one unwritten page and word at a time.

What do you go to bed wishing you had done?

Do you want to paint, write, read, discover new recipes, do crafts, sing or become a pole dancer?

No matter what it is the fact that you keep thinking about it means that you either have to let the dream go, or face it head on and buy the damn pole already.

If you could see me you would laugh, I am writing on my laptop, my new Toshiba tablet sits charging next to me and my new do everything phone that I can even type on sits to my side. I have a notebook in my pocketbook at all times and a pad of paper near my bed. There is also a small tape recorder in my pocketbook so that if a song or writing idea comes into my head I can get it recorded. The only thing that I am lacking is the persistence that is needed to make my writing dreams come true.

My dream is to actually write. Sure having books published and being on a best seller list would be free icing on the cake, but not the real reason that I yearn and burn to write daily. For me writing is like putting my soul out there for everyone else to see. Baring your soul can be difficult for most women.

Are_you_a_Wannabee_Procrastinatin_Dreamer

I am far from being a perfectionist but there is something about allowing others to read my writing that keeps the thoughts held back in my head at times. I get such a great response to my soul baring writings but at times I have to wonder, who cares about what you are writing about Rebecca?

Is it just you?

Then tonight I smarten up and think, so what, even if something is just for me, shouldn’t I do it anyway?

When I write to you it is not just to share my needs but to encourage you to share and pursue your own dreams and wants.

I had read a quote somewhere that said you must have a goal at all times to lead a really fulfilling life.

The quote didn’t go exactly like that but the meaning is that you should always have something in your life worth working hard at, once you reach it, you set another one. Most times we want something so bad that when we get it we are disappointed that we are not fulfilled. The key is to have multiple goals so that you are never without one.

What goals have you set for yourself today?

Are_Your_A_Wannabee_Procrastinating_Dreamer

Are you a Wannabee Procrastinating Dreamer?

What are you committed to doing to bare your soul? I have committed to sharing these thoughts with you which brings me one step closer to my dreams.

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

Over the last few years I have discovered that if I put certain things in place as rituals I didn’t stay in my self-induced funk as long as I had in the past. Man was I dedicated, I could make a funk last for days, and even weeks if I tried or rather didn’t try.

Anyway, one of the best rituals I have been doing for the past year or so has been listening to Joyce Meyers within the first 30 minutes that I am awake most days. While I don’t do this every single day, I find that on the days I do, I have more clarity, energy and focus and am less likely to let the little things bother me.

Joyce often reminds me that it isn’t what happens to me that is important, but rather how I react to those things.

I can’t count how many times I have been struggling and then listen it seems I somehow without thinking, reach out to listen to Joyce. I always feel that she is speaking directly to me about the things I am struggling with in that very moment. To me this is just amazing.

The experience I am sharing with you today took place close to 2 years ago but still feels relevant enough to share.  On this day, my thoughts seemed to stay stuck on some of the things she had said, she made me realize I had lost about a hundred pounds in the last week, obviously I don’t mean physical weight loss but for me, this loss meant even more as I had been carrying around enough mental weight to stop my heart, it was hard to breathe let alone move about my daily life with any type of happiness.

The invisible weight I had sitting on my heart and soul for the last 20 plus years was killing me, day by day, breath by breath.

Up until recently the fact that those within my inner circle were being hit with shrapnel from my self-inflicted abuse never seemed to stop me. While I knew for a long time that my daily thoughts impacted my life, I didn’t fully realize how much it was impacting the people that loved me today, loved ones that had nothing to do with the past that had damaged me do deep in my core that years later it still remained a big part of me, even if I didn’t know it.

I denied this to myself as I didn’t want to admit that I still feared the dark figure lurking in the shadows.

I find it ludicrous when someone whose life has never been touched by abuse says things like, “why doesn’t she just leave, “ or has the mindset that once someone is out of the immediate abuse they are now suddenly safe and should no longer either talk of the abuse or feel frightened in anyway. If only that were true I would shout it from the tree tops.

Someone wrote, “invisible fear,” for a reason, that is what the aftermath has in store, a fear that is all too real, invisible or not. For me personally this invisible fear has kept me trapped for just as many years as the initial physically, verbal and emotional abuse did.

To survive I was pushed to a survival way of thinking, my mind was always on guard.

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For me having been physically jolted from sleep many nights with a blade to my throat and being told, “scream, no one will hear you and if they do, I will slice your throat as the police pull in.” This alone has caused me to fear the shadows and for many years, just opening the closet in that same room, years after he was gone caused me anxiety.

Enough of that, back to that day, it was hard for me to realize or rather accept that my past, the one I was trying so hard to forget, was greatly impacting not only my daily happiness but those that loved me.

While it was never intentional I often blamed those around me for my bad days, “couldn’t they see that I was barely hanging on today?” I felt they didn’t care or they never would have talked back or argued with me about having to clean their room or take a shower, then again, if I didn’t realize how much pain I was in, how on earth did I expect them know.

This was a very thought provoking and even more important thought changing week for me. I know I can’t be the only one that hears something I really need to know or do and then I push it aside and never change.

You can lead that gal to knowledge but you cannot make her think, or is that something about water and a drink!

For the past year or two I have known something was wrong but I couldn’t or wouldn’t admit it to myself of those around me, after all, what on earth did I have to be sad about, great family, work, health and love.

While I was in a happy safe place, had the man of my dreams, great job, creative outlets and friends, but I was never living in the moment, I was always highly stressed and most days I took that out by nit picking my man and my little girl. I never saw or wanted to admit the issue was me.

You know friends that must live in a state of drama all the time? These are the people I have consciously removed from my life. It was a bit of a reality check to realize that in my own home, I was the drama.

At the time of this initial draft it was just a few days from New years which is my favorite time of year and I had already set my goals the weeks before. One of my biggest goals was that I was not going to allow my then 11 year old daughter to push my buttons, I was not going to yell and get upset. New years day I did great. She continued to push my buttons but I remained very calm. This lasted a few days and I really didn’t feel better inside as I struggled not to get upset, even though I was not showing my frustration, the struggle was still with me. Then something happened, she sat next to me on the couch and asked me why I didn’t’ like her? I just about died inside.

When I asked her why she felt that way she told me I bullied her and she never felt she could do anything right. She shared how hard school was then she came home and I was on top of her from the moment she walked in. I didn’t try to explain my reaction to things, my past, my inner demons, I just hugged her and told her I was sorry and that was the last thing I had ever meant to do to her. Yes, I loved her.

I have always been honest and told her age appropriate responses to life so I knew I wanted to share enough for her to understand I was not perfect. I told her this had nothing to do with her, her mother had some things happen in her past that just seemed to make her crabby and sad some-days and when she didn’t do what I asked time after time bit frustrated me and I took it out on her. I let her know that I was learning no matter what she did, I was the adult and should never make her feel this way.

Since that talk, I am not perfect, far from it, but it really made me realize that if I do not let go of the anxiety of my past, I will never fully enjoy and appreciate what I have today. We often hear success is the best revenge and that you need to let go of some things to let more into your life, both very true for me.

The good news is that it has been close to 2 years ago since that conversation on the couch and I honestly feel this is weight off of my heart and soul. I do not nit pick at my daughter or man (as much) . I think more before I say things, I think, do I really need to say that? When asking my daughter to do things, I ask, then give her time to do them, in her time, not mine. Our home is more peaceful than it has been in years. Don’t get me wrong, it has always been a happy fun home, just that my thoughts and anxiety would creep in and spoil things now and then.

The last thing that I wanted was for this beautiful little girl to grow up thinking her mother didn’t love her or bullied her. In order for her to grow up in that safe place I knew I had to stop bullying myself.

Learning to let go of a difficult past is hard, even after you think you have let it go your reaction to things, your sadness and thoughts may still bring you back to a state you became accustomed to living to survive. It is time for this next year to go from Surviving to Thriving. My hope is that you join me!

My story and your story will help and support another person that is struggling, do you still struggle years after being away from the abuse or have you found ways to feel more in control? Sharing as you know by now is the key to moving past many things in life.

Love & Peace,

Rebecca

I just love Ted.com, I often just go there to find talks that will inspire my day.  Today I was very moved to shared a talk by Nikki Webber Allen about not suffering along in your depression.  Much of what she shares I felt too, feeling that being depressed and having what is labeled GAD, generalized anxiety disorder made me inadequate.  How was I supposed to share that and coach women?  Over the last few years I have finally accepted that this is part of me, it routed way back to when I was little and we dodged gunfire in our home, hid around corners and ran in the middle of the night.  Then, adulthood came and I learned more of life and feared my own shadow.

dealing with anxiety and depression after abuse

The point is, don’t be silent anymore, nearly everyone you meet is dealing with some form of anxiety and or/depression, some it goes quickly, for others like me, it becomes part of who I am, I just learn how to be in more control over it.

Do you have an inspiring video to share.

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

 

I wrote this poem years ago and still read it daily to stay inspired and focused:

Dream Focused

Focus,
Focus,
Focus,
Look at nothing else
Put on all your blinders
Or what you want you will lose sight
Concentration is important
Even though it may not seem
If you wish to have what you want in life
You must focus on the dream
Live it
Feel it
Be it
or nothing you will have
For those without a dream in life
Wander down the path
Someday you will feel frightened
Lost and all alone
Close your eyes and search your soul
For something to pull you through
A memory
A dream
A promise of tomorrow
The fate is in store for you must first be thought by You!

 

Today I was reviewing advice online to help rebuild self-esteem after abuse and this article was to the point, don’t try to fix everything, be patient with yourself. I wanted to share the link to the article after reading this part as I have often shared the same advice:

Be patient with yourself. Think about how you’d treat a best friend who had just been through your same situation. You likely wouldn’t tell them to “get over it already.” Let yourself take as much time as you need to sort through your emotions, feel what you need to feel and slowly come back to a positive outlook on the future.

The site offers a ton of resources such as forums and groups to support you in the aftermath of abuse, for teens and adults.  My goal is to provide you with resources and this looks like a pretty good one.  To read the rest of the article click here Rebuilding Your Self-Esteem after abuse.

If you have a site that offers support or know of one please share it in the comments, we are here to help each other heal, if not, what was the point of all of this?

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

Dream_Focused_Inspirational_Poetry_children_adults

I came across this in my personal face-book feed and felt compelled to share it, our children can stop the violence.  It is worth watching to see how the future leaders respond to harming someone. The 2nd one Slap Her en Mexico with subtitles.

I had to re-post this today, my now 27 year old son sent me a photo of my 5 year old grandson, he had a big smile on his face while holding a book mark I had made with this poem on it with a baby on the top with wings. When my son told him grandma made this he was like, wow. He loved the poem, too cool. My daughter and I have now turned this into a song, with her amazing voice, this will take on a new life. Crazy how something wrong 27 years ago, that I did because I didn’t know any nursery rhymes is still part of our life, gotta love the little things.

The Last Straw

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Photo by D. Sharon Pruitt

I sang this to my son every night when he was a baby, I wrote it just for him. The poem is available on selection of unique gifts

Click on the following link to purchase this poem on a large selection of gifts!

Dream Your Dreams by Rebecca J. Burns

Close your eyes my little one
Close your eyes and dream
You can be anyone,
Anyone you dream
You can go anywhere,
do anything,
meet anyone
Just close your eyes and dream your dreams
Let your imagination take control
Take you on adventures never told
Just close your eyes my little one
Close your eyes and dream with me
You can fly above the mountains
You can swim beneath the sea
Its a great big world before us
Come along and dream with me
You can swing from every tree top
You can conquer every…

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It is amazing the small decisions that can really change your life, your mood, everything.  No matter where you are, there are decisions you can make.  Sometimes we are surviving in the moment and the decision to survive is all we have. If you are in that place today, know that it can change, I am proof of that.

Yesterday my family went off to volunteer at a Triathlon for the disabled.  I did not go as mommy really needed a just me day as I can’t remember the last time I had one of those, if you are able to make one of those happen, do it, even if you can’t have a full day, take what you can get, sometimes an hour or two can change your outlook and mood.

While my family was off doing good in the world, I was home thinking of how I could do good for Rebecca.

I had been struggling recently as I had been on pretty much bed-rest for 4-5 months with migraine associated vertigo, never heard of it, great, you don’t’ want to.

It is basically a thief that slowly steals your life and sentences you to dark rooms, headaches and sunglasses pretty much 24-7 with the bonus of feeling like you are on a very fast merry go round!

The good news is that I was able to return to somewhat of my normal life a little over a month ago but I have not been able to get back any of the focus I had before then.

Most days I was going through the motions of what needed to be done but wasn’t writing which is my biggest passion, of course I was thinking about writing because that is what I do, I think too much and often struggle to get out of my own head.

 

Well today was a different day mentally and I really don’t think this would have happened if I had been surrounded by others, the silence and solitude helped bring out a change.

I slept late because next to writing and my grandson, sleeping is my favorite thing to do.

Not long after being up today I had that normal urge to write, the one I usually push  down as it doesn’t’ seem as important as other things like cleaning the house, but today was different, I put my laptop on my bed and began doing some writing, nothing here just some other projects that began to get the juices flowing.

I hear of writers that don’t know what to write about but I never seem to run out of ideas, I just run out of the follow through to put the words on paper and sometimes to just hit publish.

After a little bit of writing I put Youtube on my tv from my phone, which I love to do and the video I wrote about yesterday that talked about how counting down from 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 can change your life.  The fact that I had gotten the juices flowing and then seeing a video that inspired me prompted the post from yesterday. You have a 5 second window to change your life, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 …

Once I felt I had filled that void I had in me for sometime, I went to the pool where we live, they had just redone this area and put in those large cabanas like at a resort and I was the only one there on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, had there been someone bringing me cold drinks on demand, it would have been Heaven.

Actually it was, I took a nice dip just to cool off then I laid on the biggest bed and spread out.  I listened to Pink and worked on a much needed tan.

Soon after my guy and girl came home, tired as could be.  Unlike me, they worked very hard today, they gave out water and cold towels and assisted those that needed assistance to medical after a long hot Triathlon.

They came home with amazing pictures of people that looked like they had all odds against them but never let it stop them, it was very inspiring.

lady mentor

Back to my reason for writing today, this is now Monday and I was able to get up earlier, get a few things done and sit down here to write this, it may encourage you to take some time to yourself, it may not.

Having that one day to myself yesterday (which did not included chores) has helped to jump start my productivity again, something I have been trying to get back for months.

 

Again, it is the little things that matter and the little decisions that can change your life.  I am all about changing your life by changing your focus and that is so true for me.  You get what you focus on, stop focusing on what you can’t change.

I had often focused on a horrible past as it seemed to have such a strong hold on me as though I had never really gotten free.

Funny as I reread this for errors I wonder if I write all of this just for me, to remind myself of what is important. Writing is an amazing gift to give yourself, it is sometimes like a therapist but much cheaper.

I highly encourage you to write, even if you do not want to share it with the world you can journal privately.

Ladies, it is time to be free, if you are out of the violence and struggling to heal find some rituals that can quickly bring you back to this minute and what you want moving forward.

This was one of the hardest things for me and at times still is today but each day is that fresh start to create the life you want. How that ritual cup of coffee can help you stay Committed & Focused!

I would love to hear what you did or are doing now to get past your past.  What did you do to move forward and heal?  Have you drastically changed your life for the better?  If so, please share your story for others, stories that encourage can change another life.

May you get a few minutes silence and solitude today.

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

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