Join me on my new Facebook site just for you!

set goals and move beyond domestic violence

Hi Ladies,

I recently created a facebook page to gather us as a group in moving forward from this point, it will not be a place to share our horror stories, we can do that here, the page will be for moving forward, sharing what you did to move past the abuse, what do you do now to keep your life on track. Help me show those here that finally left abuse and wonder, now what, how do I live my life now?  Show them your strength o encourage them in knowing they too can do this.   Please join the page, once you do you will have access to free ebooks that I will be adding, come today to get Inside the mind of Winners, great stories that inspire.  Please like the page to encourage others to follow.

https://www.facebook.com/rebecca.burns.967422

I want to see this community grow into the next stage of healing and support for others, help me do that.

I will launch my new site soon, it will be an amazing resource for you, join me on facebook so you will be the first to know it is ready to visit.

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

Domestic Violence Quotes – Motivational Quotes & Resources on Domestic Violence

I encourage you to post related Quotes and I will list them all here. Please leave the name of the author, as a writer I don’t like to post without giving credit. Readers are often searching for quotes on Domestic Violence and Support. I hope that these may inspire our day or make you think; abuse is never your fault and should not be tolerated by anyone.

9/24/2013
“Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude.” For that means that no matter how unhappy your marriage is, you can be happy as an individual –  Dale Carnegie

The following was recently by Daniel:

“PEOPLE WHO HAVE EITHER BEEN TREATED BADLY OR ABUSED AS A CHILD MAY OR MAY NOT END UP BEING THE ABUSER WHEN THEY GET OLDER,

OTHERS THAT SUFFER FROM THE ABUSE MIGHT SUFFER ANXIETY OR MAY NOT BE ABLE TO LIVE THERE NORMAL LIVES AGAIN.”

– DANIEL ARMSTRONG

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If you wish to have what you want in life you must Focus on the Dream, if you focus on the pain and fear you will only want to scream! by Rebecca J. Burns www.the-laststraw.com
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Long term domestic violence: Being abused in this manner is like being kidnapped and tortured for ransom but you will never have enough to pay off the kidnapper. by Rebecca J. Burns … www.the-laststraw.com
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The following quote was revised to add men too after a reader commented it was biased towards men. I know that men are abused by women and write about it on this blog often and never meant to exclude them in this quote.
When I am asked why a man/woman doesn’t leave abuser I say: They stay because the fear of leaving is greater than the fear of staying. They will leave when the fear of staying is greater than the fear of leaving. Rebecca J. Burns www.the-laststraw.com
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Several blog readers posted this recently and I wanted to share it. If you know the author let me know to give due credit: While you SCREAM at your woman, there’s a man wishing he could whisper softly in her ear… While you HUMILIATE,OFFEND and INSULT her, there’s a man flirting with her and reminding her how wonderful she is. While you HURT your woman, there’s a man wishing he could make love to her. While you make your women CRY there’s a man stealing smiles from her…
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I have heard this quote several times from Dr. Phil and others, not sure who it is originally from but: You show others how to treat you. (This is so important and true, for me when I stayed after my husband called me awful names I showed him it was okay. Then when he hit me and I stayed, again, I showed him it was all right. When I finally told the police he tried to kill me and I was able to have him physically removed, I showed him how to treat me and that it was no longer allowed.)
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Posted from Anonymous reader: It’s hard to look for the light when your lost in darkness.”
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The following was posted under comments from reader: To be a survivor–first you must bleed. You bleed all that was inside of you: the pain, the memories, the fear, the wounds fusing together, the ties to what was in, all its forms. You bleed not once but several times.. And when you are empty, you either fade into a shadow or find the strength, and courage to live. When you stand up again, you are for a time, hollow–empty, like a bottle of beer lying on the street, cracked and reeking of its bitter contents. Then you fill yourself up with the new, your recreate yourself–you reform. You don’t have the same heart or mind. The way you see the world is forever changed. Written by Lynn Mari (The Last Straw – comment)
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“If you can’t be thankful for what you have, be thankful for what you have—escaped,” Menard’s Catalog (beneath the contractor compressor)
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The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself. by Mark Caine – author
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Real confidence comes from knowing and accepting yourself- your strengths and your limitations –in contrast to depending on affirmation from others. Judith Bardwick- the Plateauing Trap 8, 1988
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Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities because, as has been said, it is the quality which guarantees all others. Winston Churchill
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“Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.” Charles Jones.
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“Domestic violence causes far more pain than the visible marks of bruises and scars. It is devastating to be abused by someone that you love and think loves you in return. It is estimated that approximately 3 million incidents of domestic violence are reported each year in the United States.”
— Dianne Feinstein
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“Domestic violence does not only happen to adults. Forty percent of girls age 14 to 17 report knowing someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend, and approximately one in five female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner.”
— Dianne Feinstein
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“If the numbers we see in domestic violence were applied to terrorism or gang violence, the entire country would be up in arms, and it would be the lead story on the news every night.”
— Rep. Mark Green
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Every woman who thinks she is the only victim of violence has to know that there are many more.
— Salma Hayek
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There is a subconscious way of taking violence as a way of expression, as a normality, and it has a lot of effects in the youth in the way they absorb education and what they hope to get out of life.
— Salma Hayek
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“One in three women may suffer from abuse and violence in her lifetime. This is an appalling human rights violation, yet it remains one of the invisible and under-recognized pandemics of our time.”  Violence against women is an appalling human rights violation. But it is not inevitable. We can put a stop to this.”
— Nicole Kidman
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Child abuse casts a shadow the length of a lifetime.”
— Herbert Ward
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That’s all nonviolence is – organized love.
— Joan Baez
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I would say that I’m a nonviolent soldier. In place of weapons of violence, you have to use your mind, your heart, your sense of humor, every faculty available to you…because no one has the right to take the life of another human being.
— Joan Baez
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The world censures those who take up arms to defend their causes and calls on them to use nonviolent means in voicing their grievances. But when a people chooses the nonviolent path, it is all too often the case that hardly anyone pays attention. It is tragic that people have to suffer and die and the television cameras have to deliver the pictures to people’s homes every day before the world at large admits there is a problem.
— Bishop Carlos Belo
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Non-violence can truly flourish when the world is free of poverty, hunger, discrimination, exclusion, intolerance and hatred – when women and men can realize their highest potential and live a secure and fulfilling life. Until then, each and every one of us would have to contribute – collectively and individually – to build peace through non-violence.
— Anwarul Chowdhury
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Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.
— Cherie Carter-Scott
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The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less.
— Elderidge Cleaver
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We plant seeds that will flower as results in our lives, so best to remove the weeds of anger, avarice, envy and doubt, that peace and abundance may manifest for all.
— Dorothy Day
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For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Hope is the strongest driving force for a people. Hope which brings about change, which produces new realities, is what opens man’s road to freedom. Once hope has taken hold, courage must unite with wisdom. That is the only way of avoiding violence, the only way of maintaining the calm one needs to respond peacefully to offenses.
— Oscar Arias Sanchez
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None who have always been free can understand the terrible fascinating power of the hope of freedom to those who are not free.
— Pearl S. Buck
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We are asking people to understand that slavery still exists today; in fact, according to a recent New York Times article, if you count the number of women and children in bonded labor, domestic slavery or sexual slavery today, there are more slaves in the world than at any other time in history.”
— Charlotte Bunch
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Everyone has a right to peaceful coexistence, the basic personal freedoms, the alleviation of suffering, and the opportunity to lead a productive life…”
— Jimmy Carter
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“How many years can some people exist
before they’re allowed to be free…”
— Bob Dylan

————– A reader posted the following:

Thanks for this resource I did a search for Domestic Violence Quotes to help me today express myself with words I could not articulate myself

Additional Quotes I’ve found solace in:
Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed. -G. K. Chesterton

“What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.” -Albert Pine

“Wild animals never kill for sport. Man is the only one to whom the torture and death of his fellow creatures is amusing in itself.”    James Anthony Froud

“The question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I, or the others crazy?” – Albert Einstein

“The healthy man does not torture others. Generally it is the tortured who turn into torturers.” – Carl Jung

“I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary. The evil it does is permanent.” -Mahatma Ghandi

“The house does not rest on the ground, but upon a woman.” -Mexican proverb

The fear of being alone with ourselves is … a feeling of embarrassment, bordering sometimes on terror at seeing a person at once so well known and so strange; we are afraid and run away. We thus miss the chance of listening to ourselves, and we continue to ignore our conscience. – Erich Fromm (1900-1980) Man for Himself: An inquiry into the Psychology of Ethics 4.2.B, 1947

The self esteem of our children is important

Full of Self Esteem

Hello Beautiful Ladies, Gents Girls and Boys,

This post is for all of you.  The photo above is when my daughter was younger, maybe 5 years old, she was full of confidence and knew she was beautiful, really, she would tell us this all the time and you had to pull her away from any mirror.  Sadly, now that she is about to turn 10, things have changed.

I was watching a talk on www.ted.com, one of my favorites places to learn and educate myself, check it out.  Today I watched a talk given by Meaghan Ramsey, it was about the self esteem and self image of our youth.  It reminded us of when we were little and would kiss our reflection in the mirror.  We loved how we looked, even with red cheeks, drool running down our face  and chubby little legs.  As we age, suddenly we never look good enough and we base how we feel on how others say we look.

This talk hit home for me because just last night my daughter told me with such excitement, “no one has picked on me at school since Monday.”  It was Wednesday.  She has been dealing with low key as I call it normal mean kids at school.  She is almost ten.  She had long hair and really wanted it cut to her shoulders recently.  After months of begging me as I loved her long hair, we let her get it cut.  She was so excited because as a benefit she found out her hair was long enough to donate it to locks of love so that a little girl or boy could have the joy of hair.

She got ready for school the next day, looking a few years older and super confident.  She bounced her new look as she headed off to school.  When I picked her up that day, she was another little girl.  When her sad little face got in the backseat I asked her what was wrong.  She told me that all day long she was picked on and told she looked ugly and that she looked like a boy.  Even her closest friends made fun of her.  My heart just sank for her.

I was always trying my best to teach her it was how she felt about her self that mattered, not the kids in school.  That is easy to say but when your child is devastated as she was, none of that matters.  I consoled her on the way home, empathizing with her feelings and weaving in the reminder that she loved her hair that morning, that she looked older and was always beautiful and that she was deciding how to feel, they were not making her feel that way.  I reminded her that only mean people would make fun of someone because of how they looked and that she was not that type of person and that made her more beautiful than any of them.

By the time we got home she was more confident, as we walked in the house, she was swinging are arms back and forth as we held hands, now swinging her hair back and forth because she loved how it felt, she said to me that those kids didn’t matter, she loved her new hair and they were just mean. This made me happy that she was able to bounce back.

The next few days the mean comments continued, I know in the moment they upset her, but her self esteem was something we worked on at home so she was able to handle it better each time.  She was learning the more she ignored them and continued to swing her hair and smile they seemed to lose interest in picking on her.

I let her know that people will pick on her the rest of her life, not everyone will like her and she will not like everyone.  I let her know that what was most important was how she felt about herself and how she chose to treat others.

This is an ongoing teaching for our children.  We can’t talk about self esteem just one time, it is like doing the math homework we hate or forcing them to read, we must address how others make them feel and how they feel about themselves daily to ensure they grow into confident adults.  It reminds me that she learns from what I say and do too.  I try to look my best and she tells me I am beautiful often, but I am sure she hears comments about my aging face or the fact that I need to drop a few pounds, but we need to be careful of how we model how we look and feel for them.

I did not grow up with the same message as she did, I was the ugly little girl with skinny legs, mad curly hair, I was picked on all the time, as an adult I did not realize the impact that must have had on myself esteem.  This would impact my life as I did not have real confidence in me until late thirties.  When I met my husband, the fact that he thought I was beautiful was enough, then when he beat me down later iwth how ugly, fat and useless I was and that no one would ever want to be with me but him, I was fully brainwashed.  I truly felt that what he said was true.  It took years before I could look at myself in the mirror and not turn away quickly. To read an older post I wrote about being able to see yourself in the mirror after abuse check out this link or search the site (mirror) http://wp.me/p1giU-9y

How do you help your children to be confident to deal with how others may perceive them?  Are you focusing on the entire child?  Imagine if we all looked the same, we could be judged on what we did, how we acted.  It should be this way.  If you teach your children to think this way, they won’t pick on others and they will focus on who they are, not how they look.

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

Let your Children sing and dream … even if they can’t really sing

My littler rocker girl

Hello Ladies, Gents and young readers,

Today I just  really wanted to share a few moments I had with my 9, soon to be 10yr old daughter who has decided to sing for school on Monday, she has been singing since she was barely 2 and has the voice of an angel, I know all parents say that, but trust me, would bet my life you will be hearing her someday.  She sings all the time but struggles to sing in front of others, lately she has done better with that but had decided to quit this time because she struggled to learn the words. Ii was like no way lady, if you can’t learn all the words than you read the paper as you sing, everyone will love that voice and will not even notice you are reading some of the words.  This inspired her to keep going.

She going to sing the song from Frozen, not sure but should be called, Let it go as that is often said in the song.  I just sat in awe last night as I helped her practice.  Yes, her voice stuns me but her excitement over that one on one attention meant more to her.  Sing, dance and play with your children, keeps you young and they really feel that love.

What songs do your children sing to you? What dreams do they have that you eagerly encourage?   I don’t remember having an adult inspire me when I was younger or even as an adult, I had to find those things on my own.  What are you doing to be there for your children and yourself?

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

The new More is Less …

 

Hello Ladies,

Telling someone to want and yearn for less sounds funny.  We always want more of everything, I love that commercial where the little girl keeps saying, “and you want more, you want more you want more.”

This year, strive to have less.  I wanted to share something I read from a post titled,”The one thing I need to do today”  You can read the full post by clicking the following link, http://www.positivelypositive.com/2014/04/22/the-one-thing-i-need-to-do-today/

 

Below is an excerpt that I wanted to share:

“The one thing I need to do “Less. I’m trying to have fewer things in my life right now. This doesn’t always mean fewer trinkets that shine on a shelf.

It also might mean fewer things that upset me.
Fewer people who bother me.
Fewer regrets about things that are long dead and buried.
Fewer anxieties about a future that may or may not exist.

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What are the things you need fewer of this year?  For me, fewer things that upset me, fewer temper tantrums on my end.  Fewer aches and pains, fewer complaints (hence the aches and pains) Fewer regrets for sure and mostly, fewer excuses on why I don’t’ do what I dream of doing.

What are the things you want less of this year?

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

Listen to the loving voice deep inside you …

Hello Ladies,

I have been following several really strong women over the years and wanted to share some insight from one of my favs, Sheree Keys, I encourage you to read through some of her posts, they often inspire me, below is one from today.

Excerpt from Sheree Keys – CEO, Author, Speaker

“When I actually listen to the infinite loving voice inside me instead of the small fearful one, life is absolutely magical and blissful. No one gets in our way but us. I don’t care where you are at in your life or where you came from… If you listen to the voice of hope that makes dreams come true, you can be-do-have anything you desire.” – Sheree Keys

Supporting You-One Transformation At A Time,

Sheri McConnell 2012

Sheree Keys – CEO, Author, Speaker

Visit her site at http://www.shereekeys.com/

 

Who do you read when you need to be inspire?

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

 

My Most Thankful Things

Dear Readers,

The most thankful time of the year.  For me, many holiday’s were spent alone, I had dreaded Thanksgiving most years, it was just my son and I, we could see some friends but no family lived near us, it just felt sad and lonely.  It was the time of the year that my life fell apart, the trigger of fall just brought me down.
Now, I am so grateful for this time of year, I have the life I had always longed for, I live near my family, I have the love of my life in a man, my son is happy and secure for the first time in his life, I have a beautiful little girl brought to me by this man, she has become mine, I have a 2 year old grandson and a wonderful daughter in law.

I have a job I love, a roof over my head, food in the cabinets, a man that loves to cook for me, my health is good. I have created a community of women that are open and share, letting me know the work I do is appreciated and much needed.

Most of all what I am thankful for is that it never crosses my mind, am I safe today.  It is something I am now secure in, i don’t live in daily fear of being harmed.  The little things are normally big.

I want you to feel safe this year too.  You can change your life in a second, by making a decision or changing the way you look at things.  If you are out of the abuse and feeling sad, focus on what you have now, your freedom.

Focus on what you what life to be from this point on.  Find a list of things to be grateful for this holiday.  Share what you are most grateful for this year, it helps others to be more appreciative of what they have.

Love & Peace this Holiday Season,
Rebecca xoxo

Domestic Violence causes far more pain that the visible bruises and scars …

Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up …