Learn to Stop Tolerating what you don’t want to start having what you do want

Are Toleration’s standing in the way and blocking your Success!

My favorite time of the year is the week between Christmas and the New Year, during that time I decide what my major 3-4 goals will be for the following year. I had never really heard about setting goals until a little over 20 years ago, thanks to my younger sister who knew exactly what I needed to move on after my husband had been removed from my home. I was suddenly away from a man that I had begged God to free me from for years and now I sat alone with my four-year-old son. I was clueless about what to do next.

She had given me a 30-day program and I listened to each cassette and did the exercises in a notebook daily. Some days I would listen to 2 tapes as I could feel the changes in my mind.

“The powerful realization that I could control what I thought about was like discovering the reason for my life. It had never occurred to me that I could somehow control what I thought about and focused on.”

Like some of you that read my writing, you may have lived a life of daily, sometimes hourly survival.  When you live that way you never have the luxury to sit and reflect on what you really want your life to be, the current goal is surviving the day.

For me setting long-term goals was the furthest thing from my mind when I started the tape program so I was happy when the first thing that I was asked to do was to write down a list of things that I would no longer tolerate in my life.

What does setting Goals have to do with Toleration’s?

Let me tell you, you can have the best goals in place but if you are tolerating lots of what may seem like little things, you are using your focus, energy, and space in your brain that could be better spent on important things like YOUR GOALS!

Start thinking about what you are Tolerating right now!

Toleration’s can take many forms, they can be physical actions that when you deal with them one time they are gone like:

• Your cluttered office where you can’t find what you need quickly
• A cluttered closet that makes you feel defeated each time you go into it
• Laundry that you let pile up for weeks so you can’t find what you need
• The hole in the wall that has been there for a year that if you spent 20 minutes taking care of it would be fixed
• The car that has been broken down for months that you need to get to the junkyard (you see it every day you enter your home)

Tolerations can also be less tangible things that are taking up space in your mind like:

• Being overweight and not taking any action to fix it
• Dealing with chronic pain because you are not exercising or doing the things that help you feel better
• Wasted days because you do not have a daily routine
• Making excuses about why you haven’t started that business or written that book
• Being in a negative mindset most days because you are not doing the things that help you stay positive

So what is the BENEFIT of removing Tolerations?

When you remove Tolerations, you are able to free up little pockets of space in your brain.  It may not sound like a big deal but if you add up all the big and little things that you are tolerating, you would be amazed at how much space you are taking up in your already full brain.

Take some of the examples above and imagine how it would feel to:

• Find the things you need because you have a routine where you do a load of laundry every day!
• Walk into your home every day without passing the broken down car in the driveway!
• Find the clothing that you want to wear in your de-cluttered closet!
• Waking up in a positive mindset ready to rock the day
• Know you have a daily plan in place to help you lose weight and feel better!

Are your Tolerations standing in the way of your success, freedom, and peace of mind?

YES! The reason that I refer to Tolerations as taking up little pockets of space is that I am a visual gal and this helps me to see how I am wasting my energy on things that I don’t need to if I just took some action.

For example, the cluttered closet on the list is mine!  I am currently tolerating a very full closet, while this may not sound like a big toleration for you, every time I walk in the closet I feel a little overwhelmed. To avoid dealing with this toleration I grab the same 2-3 pieces of clothing that I wear pretty much every day and get dressed.

The good news is that once I am out of the closet this toleration no longer bothers me.  Or does it? 

For a long time, I did not realize it, but when I was laying in my bed, even when the closet door was shut, I knew that there was a mess right behind that door.  Now that little pocket in my brain, without my even realizing it was not just thinking about the mess, but reminding me of how many times I had said I was going to create a capsule wardrobe and get rid of the rest of the clothing I never wore.

This Toleration was causing me to feel defeated, even at a time when I thought it was not even on my mind!

Now I am not just struggling with a full closet, but the disappointment that I am not following through on something that would be beneficial for me. Get the idea, I’ve learned to just Tolerate it.

So, the big question is, why doesn’t she just clean out the darn closet?  Well, it isn’t life or death, it isn’t hurting anyone and it is not urgent.  So instead, I allow this non-urgent toleration to drain my energy.

So what is the BENEFIT of removing this toleration? It will help me in many ways, not just by allowing me to find clothing that I really love, but when I clear out that clutter, I allow myself more time for me and what I really want.

Clear our your head by writing down everything you are currently Tolerating

First, take out a sheet of paper (if you join my list below you will get your Free Goal Setting Worksheets and Checklists with Toleration listing) or open your computer and write down everything that you can think of that you are tolerating.

This list should not be confused with a normal to do a list like do the laundry, clean the house or go shopping, this should be one time things, that if you removed them or rather stopped Tolerating them, you would be more successful.

Pick Your Top 3 Tolerations to Focus on

Next, go through your list of Toleration’s and pick the top 3 things that if completed, would take a weight off your shoulders and create a sense of excitement for you to move down the list.  Keep this list handy, once you complete 1 toleration, you will pick another one so that you always keep focused on removing 3 at a time.

Next, write the Top 3 Tolerations on the top of a page

Next, underneath each Toleration write why you will no longer tolerate that thing, be clear on how if it was removed your life would change, Clarity is King.

For example, back to my overflowing closet, my why is: I know if this was removed from my life I would feel lighter, I would be able to open my closet and find something to wear that I really liked and made me feel good quickly.  Once I got dressed the overflowing closet would no longer be on my mind. This Toleration would be removed from my mind.

Finally, write what you will do to remove this Toleration from your life.

My plan: I have a plan in place that every day I spend just a few minutes sorting in my closet.  I have started in one spot and am working my way around.  It doesn’t sound like much but each day I do this I may remove a piece or 2 of clothing and find something I had forgotten about.  I have already donated a big box of clothing and gotten rid of a few other things.  The best news is that even though this project will take some time to complete, I no longer have the toleration taking up space in my mind most days as I know I have a plan to remove it.

So why don’t I just take a weekend and clear out the entire close?  I have tried this in the past, it becomes too overwhelming and I end up just putting pretty much everything back in place just to be done with it.

Please share

To help others who are working to remove Tolerations from their life please share what 3 top tolerations you will remove from your life starting today.

Once I feel confident these items are no longer a Toleration I will move on to other ones. My current Top 3 Tolerations as of this writing are:

1. Cluttered closet (working on little bits daily)
2. Lack of daily focus (I have created routines and review them first thing each morning)
3. Not writing on a regular basis: (my routine – work on a piece of writing like this daily, even if for just a few minutes)

If you are working on your Tolerations and are ready to focus on your Top Goals grab your Free Goal Setting Worksheets and Daily Checklists to help you Succeed when you join my list at www..ReBeccaBurns.com.

Don’t forget to leave a comment with the list of your current Top 3 Tolerations and how you will remove them!

 

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Are You A Wannabee, Procrastinating Dreamer?

Do you suffer from the anxiety of wanting something so much that you yearn and crave to be doing it every minute of every day but you procrastinate? I do. I admit that I am a wannabee procrastinating dreamer.  I procrastinate about writing, I think about writing all the time, I fall to sleep at night thinking about writing, I talk about writing; sadly, the only thing that I don’t do is actually write on a consistent basis.

Definition of procrastinating: to delay, put off doing something, postpone action, defer action, be dilatory, use delaying tactics, stall, temporize, drag one’s feet/heels, take one’s time, play for time, play a waiting game

“fear of failure often causes people to procrastinate”

In my case for this specific issue, the procrastination doesn’t affect anyone but good old me. One of my biggest fears in life is my life’s dream to slip away, one unwritten page and word at a time.

What do you go to bed wishing you had done?

Do you want to paint, write, read, discover new recipes, do crafts, sing or become a pole dancer?

No matter what it is the fact that you keep thinking about it means that you either have to let the dream go, or face it head on and buy the damn pole already.

I encourage to become an Anti-Procrastinator with me!

Procrastination is a deeply ingrained pattern of behavior and I have been doing this for years.  While this is sad it helps me to realize that I can’t be so hard on myself as a long time habit is hard to break.

• Let it go, let it go….. stop beating yourself up for all the procrastinating you have done to this point.   Start with a clean slate today.
• Stop avoiding the issue!  I will think of what I want to do and then as fast I can I push that thought away.  I find something, anything to change my focus.  Commit with me today to stop avoiding what needs to be done.
• Be kind to yourself, the fact that you are reading how to stop procrastinating is a good thing.
• Make yourself accountable – find a friend or co-worker, online group, someone to keep you accountable.  I recently joined a mastermind facebook group and we had to put in the top 3 things we were committed to doing that week, I know feel like I want to show up.
• Stop the madness! I know for me that I work with a ton of tabs open on the computer, that is just how I like to work.  But, this is not always good when I really need to focus on some things like my website and writing, it just takes one peek on Facebook or Pinterest and I am gone for hours.  As much as it hurts, closing all the other tabs does help.
• Music is amazing. Depending on what type of work I need to do helps me decide on the music.  When I really want to write I like music with no music, Bach and Beethoven and mind type music is great, the energy is amazing.

My dream is to actually write. Sure having books published and being on a best-seller list would be free icing on the cake, but not the real reason that I yearn and burn to write daily.

For me, writing is like putting my soul out there for everyone else to see. Baring your soul can be difficult for most women. I am far from being a perfectionist but there is something about allowing others to read my writing that keeps the thoughts held back in my head at times.

When I write to you it is not just to share my needs but to encourage you to share and pursue your own dreams and wants.

I had read a quote somewhere that said you must have a goal at all times to lead a really fulfilling life.

The quote didn’t go exactly like that but the meaning is that you should always have something in your life worth working hard at, once you reach it, you set another one. Most times we want something so bad that when we get it we are disappointed that we are not fulfilled. The key is to have multiple goals so that you are never without one.

What do you do when you find yourself putting important tasks off?  Many struggle with this issue daily so by sharing what works for you, you will inspire another.

What goals have you set for yourself today? What are you committed to doing to bare your soul? I have committed to sharing these thoughts with you which brings me one step closer to my dreams.

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Do you do the things that you dream?

Do you suffer with the anxiety of wanting something so much that you yearn and crave to be doing it every minute of every day? I do. I admit that I am a writer wanabee. I think about writing, I fall to sleep at night thinking about writing, I talk about writing; sadly, the only thing that I don’t do is actually write on a consistent basis.

This procrastination doesn’t affect anyone but good old me. One of my biggest fears in life was growing old alone, which doesn’t seem something that I need to worry about anymore since I have been blessed to meet the man of my dreams, but not writing is something that is allowing my life’s dream to slip away, one unwritten page and word at a time.

What do you go to bed wishing you had done? Do you want to paint, write, read, discover new recipes, do crafts, sing or become a pole dancer? No matter what it is the fact that you keep thinking about it means that you either have to let the dream go, or face it head on and buy the damn pole already.

If you could see me you would laugh, I am writing on my laptop, my new Toshiba tablet sits charging next to me and my new do everything phone that I can even type on sits to my side. I have a notebook in my pocketbook at all times and a pad of paper near my bed. There is also a small tape recorder in my pocketbook so that if a song or writing idea comes into my head I can get it recorded. The only thing that I am lacking is the persistence that is needed to make my writing dreams come true.

My dream is to actually write. Sure having books published and being on a best seller list would be free icing on the cake, but not the real reason that I yearn and burn to write daily. For me writing is like putting my soul out there for everyone else to see. Baring your soul can be difficult for most women. I am far from being a perfectionist but there is something about allowing others to read my writing that keeps the thoughts held back in my head at times. I get such a great response to my soul baring writings but at times I have to wonder, who cares about what you are writing about Rebecca? Is it just you? Then tonight I smarten up and think, so what, even if something is just for me, shouldn’t I do it anyway?

When I write to you it is not just to share my needs but to encourage you to share and pursue your own dreams and wants. I had read a quote somewhere that said you must have a goal at all times to lead a really fulfilling life. The quote didn’t go exactly like that but the meaning is that you should always have something in your life worth working hard at, once you reach it, you set another one. Most times we want something so bad that when we get it we are disappointed that we are not fulfilled. The key is to have multiple goals so that you are never without one.

What goals have you set for yourself today? What are you committed to doing to bare your soul? I have committed to sharing these thoughts with you which brings me one step closer to my dreams.

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

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