Ntozake Shange, “sorry” aftermath of domestic violence/poetry

The following comment was left for another post and I wanted to share it with you to comment: 2010/09/26 at 6:57 pm

I am survivor. I have been out of the relationship since June 2010. I was hospitalized for the most recent incident in June with a fractured lumbar spine and multiple contusions to my face/head. Two black eyes, both lips fat, broken nose and other numerous bruises over my body. If I didn’t hide in the woods he would have killed me. He is in jail and the trial is starting September 30th. I saw the evidence pictures for the first time 3 days ago. When I saw the pictures of what he had done to me, it became real. Up until then it all seemed like a dream. The court is saying that this is one of the most heinous crimes against another person they have seen in a very long time. As hard as it was to see the pictures, they gave me a sense of empowerment. I do not want to be labeled as a victim, I want to be labeled as a survivor. I am thinking of starting my own blog to share my story and to inform people of the court process & things like that. I am ready to share my story with the world. You may contact me if you would like to at ( i.am.a.survivor1984@gmail.com )

” I will no longer hide these wounds of mine. I will bear them gracefully. They tell a resurrection story.”

Ntozake Shange, “sorry”

one thing i don’t need
is any more apologies
i got sorry greetin me at my front door
you can keep yrs
i don’t know what to do wit em
they dont open doors
or bring the sun back
they dont make me happy
or get a mornin paper
didnt nobody stop usin my tears to wash cars
cuz a sorry

i am simply tired
of collectin
i didnt know
i was so important to you
i’m gonna haveta throw some away
i cant get to the clothes in my closet
for alla the sorries
i’m gonna tack a sign to my door
leave a message by the phone
‘if you called to say yr sorry
call somebody else
i dont use em anymore’
i let sorry/ didnt meanta/ & how cd i know abt that
take a walk down a dark & musty street in brooklyn
i’m gonna do exactly what i want to
& i wont be sorry for none of it
letta sorry soothe yr soul/ i’m gonna soothe mine

you were always inconsistent
doin somethin & then bein sorry
beatin my heart to death
talkin bout you sorry
well
i will not call
i’m not goin to be nice
i will raise my voice
& scream & holler
& break things
& race the engine
& tell all yr secrets bout yrself to yr face
& i will list in detail everyone of my wonderful lovers
& their ways
i will play oliver lake
loud
& i wont be sorry for none of it

i loved you on purpose
i was open on purpose
i still crave vulnerability
& close talk
& i’m not even sorry
bout you bein sorry
you can carry all the guilt
& grime ya wanna
just dont give it to me
i cant use another sorry
next time
you should admit
you’re mean/ low-down/ triflin/ & no count straight out
steada bein sorry alla the time
enjoy bein yrself.

” Do you not know you are God’s temple and that God’s spirit dwells in you? If any one destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him. For God’s temple is holy, and that temple you are”. ( 1 Cor. 3: 16-17)

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As A Boy I watched – poem about child watching abuse

This was emailed to me some years ago and I just came across it.

The reader wrote:

I thought this poem might benefit men who need to get on the right path. No reply is needed.

As A boy

As a boy I watched in horror
As my father hit my mother
I could do nothing for her
I swore I’d never pass that on
To my wife, my daughter and son
I thought what I always tried to do
Was give my heart and soul to you
I am humble and broken
Not just for the words I have spoken
I face judgment by an accuser
That like my father, I am an abuser
So much many drinks
Such a wrong way to think
Turn kisses into terror
To the very ones I care for
My accuser is the love of my life
Her forgiveness cuts me like a knife
My children miss their daddy
I’m gone awhile, I say sadly
When the anger swells in my soul
My cherished ones feel the toll
Now the life I want and love
Teeters on the abyss needing a small shove
I make the choice to end the violence
My anger will be silenced
I won’t even open the door
To take that bottle and pour
The fist I raised in anger
Brought me to the manger
Where the Son of God was born
For this sin He was scorned
To die for the very reason
That my life is in this season
God hear my cry
See me with Your eyes
I want to go home where my true love waits
Where my children wonder why I am late
God, my King with all my heart
I thank You for this new start
My love you have my word
On the wings of eagles we will soar
And the darkness is nevermore
This is to God and my Wife

written by JI as he did not state he wanted his name used.

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Emotional Abuse and Your Faith: Poem for the Victims of Domestic Violence

Emotional Abuse and Your Faith: Poem for the Victims of Domestic Violence.

I came across this site today and like always wanted to share, poetry always digs deep.  I encourage you to check it out.

God chooses us.

Love & Peace,
Rebecca

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